Biblical help and resources for men who struggle with porn addiction. The official website of Stephen Kuhn, author of 10 Lies Men Believe about Porn.
Each week, we roundup the best links, articles, and videos we find that are relevant to overcoming pornography addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it doesn’t necessarily mean we agree with everything in the linked article. It just means we found it interesting enough to share.
Storyline Blog: Reflections on Brennan Manning’s Wrestling Match with God
Dr. Steve McVey: The Pull of the Sea
Storyline Blog: Great Kids Have Parents who Seem to do This Well
What if lust for porn is really a search for true passion?
From Amazon: In a world where there are 68 million searches for pornography every day and where over 70 percent of Christian men report viewing porn in the last year, it’s no surprise that more and more men struggle with an addiction to this false fantasy. Common wisdom says if they just had more willpower or more faith, their fight would be over. Is the answer really that simple?
According to the counselor and ministry leader Michael John Cusick, the answer is no—but the big truth may be much more freeing. Backed by scripture, Cusick uses examples from his own life and from his twenty years of counseling experience to show us how the pursuit of empty pleasure is really a search for our heart’s deepest desire—and the real key resistance is discovering and embracing the joy we truly want.
Cusick’s insights help readers understand how porn struggles begin, what to do to prevent them, and most importantly, how to overcome the compulsion once it begins. In the end, this powerful book shows us all how the barrier built by porn addiction can become a bridge to abundant life.
I wish I had discovered this book ten years ago.
I’ve read a lot of books over the years dealing with the specific issue of pornography addiction, but this one easily stands out above the rest. The author, Michael John Cusick, paints an in-depth picture of the true source of our desire to keep coming back to these images which can never truly satisfy us.
The book is written in a way that is very easy to understand, even though the topics can be quite in-depth. I highly recommend Surfing for God to any man who is struggling with pornography, especially those of you who feel as if you have tried everything and have all but lost hope.
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I’m one of those guys who can’t read a book without a highlighter in my hand, and as far as I’m concerned, it would be a shame to mark up my favorite content and never share it with you. With that in mind, here are some of my favorite quotes from Surfing for God:
“When we fixate on porn, we choose to remain selfishly anchored to our own pleasure above all else.”
“If we seek on the physical level what can only be obtained on a spiritual level, then we set ourselves up for a never-ending cycle that only leads to desperation, despair, and bondage.”
“A man’s sexual appetite is a barometer for what’s going on inside his heart.”
“Most men don’t feel terribly strong or adequate in the presence of a real, live woman—wether they’re the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, a decorated war hero, or a seasoned pastor. And yet, God designed our masculine souls to be energized by offering ourselves on behalf of our female counterparts.”
“Only when we identify [our core thirsts] will we begin moving toward those desires according to God’s design.”
“As a man heals from his bondage to porn, he must understand his brokenness and allow it to compel him toward Jesus. Our brokenness is our only requirement for receiving God’s grace.”
“Some wounds aren’t the result of a specific event but the slow accumulation of disappointments. It’s not the two-by-four over the head that these men have trouble accepting as a wound, it’s the drop-by-drop buildup of pain and sorrow that can erode our soul as well.”
“That’s what porn and lust do to us. They tell us we’re not going to receive God’s provision, that we’ll never be satisfied with His manna, so we’re better off finding out own. But the intimacy we experience in those illicit moments is a counterfeit intimacy. It makes us feel like men without requiring us to be men—until we wake up one day with a cheap imitation of intimacy in our top drawer.”
“Unbelief is rarely concerned with God’s existence or whether we believe that Christianity is true. Instead, unbelief deals with God’s character—is God trustworthy, and is He truly who He says He is?”
“A false self cannot be loved. A fake self does not exist, it is only an illusion. You and I can only be loved for our true selves, as unlovable as we think we might be.”
“At the core of humility is trust—trusting God, and trusting others with who you are.”
“The goal is not to turn off the faucet of lust, but to turn on the faucet of trust.”
“I’m not horny; beneath feeling sexually aroused, what I really feel is lonely.”
Each week, we roundup the best links, articles, and videos we find that are relevant to overcoming pornography addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it doesn’t necessarily mean we agree with everything in the linked article. It just means we found it interesting enough to share.
The Good Men Project: What Happens When We Don’t Teach Our Boys About Sex
Donald Miller: Why I Now Like George W. Bush
Life to Her Years: Pray for Her Passionately
One of the men who was at the top of my list of “People to invite on my epic cross-country Air Stream trailer road trip extravaganza when I win the lottery” has just gone home after an amazing life full of God’s Grace. Few men have taught me more about how God loves me in spite of my issues than Brennan Manning. The world will miss you Brennan, but now you finally get to feel that unconditional embrace of Abba you have only felt in your soul until now.
About once-a-month, on a Wednesday (hence the name: Worship Wednesdays), I will share one of my favorite albums I’ve been listening to. Most of these will be from NoiseTrade, the internet’s best source for free music downloads. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.
The Followers’ “Wounded Healer” is the first release for Deeper Well Records, a gospel collective that has been birthed out of Door of Hope Church in Portland Oregon. Songwriter Josh White (of Telecast) teamed up with Eric Earley (of Blitzen Trapper), and friends to create a 70’s infused worship experience. Mixing R&B, country, rock, and folk, “Wounded Healer” may draw one back to the days of the Jesus Movement, or push one forward into a new and exciting era of music for the church. We call it neo-gospel!
If you spend much time around this blog, you will probably notice something which may seem a little odd to you. You may be thinking a blog focusing on finding freedom from pornography addiction should spend a lot of time telling you how to actually overcome pornography addiction. Seems logical, right? Perhaps I will give you a list of steps you can take to limit your exposure. Maybe I’ll try to sell you on your need for a good internet filter. You may have come here expecting an in-your-face character beat-down attempting to guilt you away from downloading another naughty video.
Here’s the deal though: Trying to get you to stop looking at porn won’t solve anything.
In fact, porn isn’t even the problem, it’s merely a symptom of something much deeper.
Dealing solely with the porn is the same as trying to overcome a case of pneumonia with a box of Kleenex and some cough drops. Sure, you may find relief from the dripping nose and the constant coughing, but is anything actually getting better? Nope. You’re just temporarily managing the symptoms. In order to get better, you would need to attack the pneumonia from the source with some potent antibiotics.
In the same way, if you want to find lasting freedom from pornography addiction, you will need to address the deeper issue inside you.
The good news, is the issue inside you is the same as the issue inside everyone else. It’s our hearts. We’re all born with hearts that are broken and full of sin. Sometimes this brokenness bubbles to the surface as anger. Sometimes it’s pride, alcoholism, or gluttony. For you and me, it tends to manifest as the lustful desire for porn.
We all have the same issue, we just medicate it in different ways.
Thankfully, there is a solution available that addresses the root cause of our hearts. And the solution for you, for me, the criminal, the Pope, or anyone else, is exactly the same.
The solution is Jesus.
It’s always Jesus.
Specifically, the work He did on the cross which has the power to give you a new heart. Instead of merely addressing the symptoms for the rest of your life, you can be given a brand new heart!
Once you learn how to live out of your redeemed heart, your pornography addiction will take care of itself.
This is the reason why you will see me posting about God’s grace, your identity in Christ, and the unconditional love of Jesus a lot more than posting specifically on pornography.
The truth is, every post, whether it mentions pornography or not, is about finding the freedom that is offered to you.
After all, Jesus didn’t die on the cross just so you could live a life of striving to manage and control your sin. He died to set you free!
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free (Galatians 5:1).
This is why they call the Gospel the Good News!
Each week, we roundup the best links, articles, and videos we find that are relevant to overcoming pornography addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it doesn’t necessarily mean we agree with everything in the linked article. It just means we found it interesting enough to share.
Jamie the Very Worst Missionary: Sex
Rooster Rock Trail | Quote by Brennan Manning
The following story is the first chapter from my book, 10 Lies Men Believe About Porn, available now wherever books are sold. It is presented here in eight parts and should take you no more than ten minutes to read (You can find Part 1 here). If you would rather read it off-line, you can sign up for our monthly newsletter to receive a free PDF download of the first three chapters of the book as my thank-you gift for signing up.
In that moment of surrender, I finally stepped aside and allowed God to begin changing me into the person He wants me to be. Once I got out of His way, the changes were astounding. I still have the same personality and mannerisms, but the deepest desires of my heart have been transformed. I no longer have to fight the constant temptation of sin because sin is no longer my greatest desire. It has been replaced by a desire to love others with the love of Christ. My default reaction is to pray for those who hurt me and respond to them in love, not anger or any of the other negative emotions I would have had in the past. It’s real, honest love for them. And it just happens naturally. I no longer see money as a means to comfort and security, but see it as a tool to meet the needs of others. I don’t need to force myself to read the Bible or pray out of religious duty. Because I have experienced God’s deep desire to have a relationship with me, I cannot wait to spend time with Him any opportunity I get.
It’s also because of this new life within me that I continue to love and pray for my wife. If I were still the same person as before, but with a shiny new coat of paint, it wouldn’t make any sense to wait for her. Why would we attempt to rebuild a marriage that failed so miserably? Wouldn’t we just be setting ourselves up for more heartache? The reason I have hope things could be different now is because I know I am no longer the same person. The two of us would be the same people on the outside, but completely new people on the inside. I believe that God can someday show her that I am a new person and heal her heart to a point where she might be open to trusting the work of Christ within me. As much as I desire to be reconciled to my wife, though, I also see how God is using me in this season of singleness. I’ve come to trust that God knows what’s best for me and always has me exactly where He wants me.
I could tell you many stories of how God has provided for me financially, emotionally, and spiritually in these past few years. His blessings continue to blow my mind daily. It becomes easier and easier to trust Him because of the myriad of ways I have seen Him consistently come through. When I look at the frustration of trying to control life on my terms and compare it to the peace and rest that comes from trusting His plan and direction for me, I cannot comprehend how I resisted Him for so long.
I’ve found that going all-in for Christ is a lot like taking the red pill in The Matrix. You suddenly wake up and realize the world you thought was real was actually a lie, and you now get an opportunity to experience real life for the first time. Unlike in The Matrix, though, the real world is not dark and depressing, but full of life, love, and joy. One thing is the same—the only way to experience this is to commit to it fully. You have to be all in or it will not work. And once you’re all in, there’s no turning back.
But I believe you won’t want to.
The following story is the first chapter from my book, 10 Lies Men Believe About Porn, available now wherever books are sold. It is presented here in eight parts and should take you no more than ten minutes to read (You can find Part 1 here). If you would rather read it off-line, you can sign up for our monthly newsletter to receive a free PDF download of the first three chapters of the book as my thank-you gift for signing up.
Handing My Life Over to GodIt has now been over three years since I stopped fighting God and finally allowed Him to take control of my life. It hasn’t all been rainbows and kittens—there have definitely been a lot of hard moments—but I wouldn’t trade this new life in Christ for anything. By handing over the reins of my life to God, I began to experience what Jesus meant when He said, “My yoke is easy and my burden is light.” I’ve realized that God has always been in control—I was only wasting energy and exhausting myself whenever I tried to wrestle the control from Him. There’s something about knowing I don’t have the power to actually change anything—and being able to trust that He will take care of things for me—that brings an unbelievable amount of peace and freedom to my life.
I felt Him leading me to start a recovery group in my own church and to come alongside other men in their struggles. I honestly felt like I had no idea how to help other men, but God kept making it clear to me it was what He wanted me to do. Our group has now been meeting for a few years, and I am constantly humbled at how God continues to bring men into my life to walk beside. It’s a frequent reminder of how I am not now, and never was, alone in this struggle. Seeing these men start to experience their own freedom in Christ and allowing God’s light and love to shine on them is one of the greatest blessings in my life.
As I study the Scriptures and seek after God, He continues to give a deeper understanding of what led to my addiction. He also has shown me why He didn’t free me from it when I was in college and first started to see the problems it was causing in my life. If He had rescued me while I was still relying on my own power, I would have attributed my recovery to my own abilities. Being the stubborn man I am, it took me almost 20 years to come face-to-face with my own inability, and God had to let me come to the point of complete brokenness before I would look to Him alone for the answers.
My wife eventually did file for divorce, which was no longer a shock to me at that point. I knew she had no choice. I lost the majority of my savings because of the divorce, as well as through the desire to make amends with people I had stolen from over the years. To top it all off, I also lost my job. I wondered why God was taking everything away from me even though I was following Him fully for the first time in my life. I felt like Job at times, but now I understand what he meant when he said:
“I had only heard about you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes” (Job 42:5).
By taking everything from me, God was helping me recognize that all I ever needed was Him. He was allowing me to experience what He means when He says He will never leave me. I could lose everything in my life, but I would never lose Him. He was stripping my life down to its foundation so He could rebuild me exactly as He wanted. His peace was always with me through all of this, and it was amazing how relaxed I felt knowing He was still in control.
