Weekly Web (W)roundup

weekly_roundup-img-640x290

Each week, we roundup the best links, articles, and videos we find that are relevant to overcoming pornography addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it doesn’t necessarily mean we agree with everything in the linked article. It just means we found it interesting enough to share.


ABC News: Ron Jeremy and Craig Gross’s Unlikely Friendship

We Serve Because We Love Him, by H.A. Ironside

I’ve been out-of-town all weekend at the Love Does conference, which means I haven’t had the time to write anything this week. Luckily, there are a lot of folks out there who write much better than I do. One of whom is the great expositor from the 1930s, Henry Ironside. If I may, I’d like to share with you one of my favorite stories from his commentary on Ephesian, In the Heavenlies.

H.A. Ironside

H.A. Ironside, looking dapper.

A very interesting volume has been recently published, giving the story of the life and work of Dr. Usher, who for a great many years carried on medical missionary work in Turkey. In this wonderful story, he relates one incident that illustrates in a very striking way what we have before us. He tells how a very notable member of the Turkish movement had become governor of a certain province, in which the mission hospital and schools were located. This man was very learned and of great determination, but a very rigid Muslim. He had made up his mind to act in accordance with one of the old laws of Turkey stating that foreigners coming into the country should be allowed to live there for one year, but if at the end of that time they had not become Muslim, they would have to leave Turkey. That law had been a dead letter for a great many years, but he had made up his mind that he would banish all the missionaries, Catholic and Protestant, from his province.

However, he decided that he would be fair, and he would give them all an opportunity to become Muslims, and so during the month of Ramadan, their annual fast, he invited all those missionaries to a great feast in his home. You see, they could feast at night but not in the daytime. As all these missionaries received the message, they knew it to be a summons, for according to Turkish law it would never do to make excuses, for the invitation to dine with the governor was tantamount to a command. Dr. Usher sat on the left hand of the governor, and the Chaldean Catholic bishop sat on his right hand, with the other missionaries on either side, and a number of the attendants of the governor in waiting.

By-and-by, turning to the Catholic bishop, the governor said, “My lord bishop, will you tell me how you think a man can enter paradise?” The bishop answered, “I will say that I believe through the merits of Jesus Christ, God can forgive my sins and take me to paradise.” “Not at all,” said the governor; “I cannot believe that God is less righteous than I am, and I do not believe it would be righteous for God because of His friendship for another, to forgive a sinner and take him to paradise. If someone here had become indebted to the government and I had to put him in prison, and someone said, ‘That man is a friend of mine, for my sake I beg you to let him go free,’ no matter how much I would desire to please my friend, I would be an unrighteous governor to let him go free simply because of my friendship for someone who was interested in him. I do not believe that God is less righteous than I.” The Chaldean bishop had not another word to say and sat there looking puzzled.

Dr. Usher felt that something tremendous was at stake, and he knew that he would be questioned next, so he lifted his heart to God, remembering the word, “When they deliver you up, take no thought how or what you will speak; for it shall be given you in that same hour what you shall speak” (Matthew 10:19). He prayed “Lord, by Thy Spirit give me now the message.” The governor turned and said, “What would you say? How may a man be assured entrance into paradise?” Dr. Usher replied, “Your Excellency, will you permit me to use your own illustration, only to change it slightly? Let us think of you not merely as the governor of this province, but as the king. You have one son, the prince, whom you love tenderly. Suppose that I am the man who is in debt to the government, owing a sum so vast that I could not pay one part out of a thousand. In accordance with the law, I am laid hold of and cast into prison. Unworthy as I am, your son is a friend of mine. He has a deep interest in me and a real love for me. He seeks you out and says, ‘My father, my friend is in prison for a debt he owes the government, and which he cannot pay. Will you permit me to go and pay it all for him in order that he may go free?’ And you say to him, ‘My son, since you are so interested and willing to pay the debt yourself, I am willing that it should be so, and more than that, I will participate with you in it.’ And so he goes to the proper authority and pays my debt in full, leaving nothing to be demanded. He takes the receipt, and comes down to me in my prison cell.

Now, I could treat him in three ways. When he comes to me and says, ‘Brother, your debt is paid and you may go free,’ I could turn in haughtiness and say, ‘No; I refuse to be under obligation to anybody,’ forgetting that my debt is already an obligation and that I am now only entering into one of loving-kindness, whereas I was before obligated by law. Or suppose I say, ‘I will never leave this prison unless I can pay the debt myself.’ I would have to remain in the prison, for I could not pay the debt. Then, I might look at the receipt and say, ‘Yes; but I can’t believe it; there is some mistake about it. I can’t believe that you would take such and interest in me… But in the third place I could rise up and fall at the feet of the prince, your son, and say, ‘I can never repay you for what you have done for me, but I shall seek to show you by my life how grateful I am.’ And so I would go free. Let us suppose that on some later day I see the prince riding down one of the streets of the city, and I notice that someone has let a great pile of cord-wood lie in the street which hinders him from going by. Would I try to get someone to get this out-of-the-way? No; but how glad I would be to run out and clear a passage for the prince. If he should say, ‘Thank you; let me pay you for your labor,’ I would say, ‘Oh, no; you paid my debt; it is a joy for me to do something to show you my gratitude.’”

The Turkish governor was listening carefully and watching intently, and suddenly a light shone, and he said, “Oh, then, Mr. Usher, is this the reason why you have a hospital here in Turkey? Is this why you establish these schools and why you missionaries are giving your lives for our people? It is not to earn your way into paradise?” “No,” said Dr. Usher; “our way into paradise is settled because Jesus has paid the debt, and now we serve because we love Him.”

The governor felt he could not banish them, and allowed the work to go on and was himself dismissed from his position because of his grace and kindness in protecting the missionaries. They have always hoped that deep in his heart he turned to Christ.

10 Lies Men Believe about Porn Preview

Weekly Web (W)roundup

weekly_roundup-img-640x290

Each week, we roundup the best links, articles, and videos we find that are relevant to overcoming pornography addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it doesn’t necessarily mean we agree with everything in the linked article. It just means we found it interesting enough to share.


Storyline Blog: A Question to Ask When Faced with Conflict

Ransomed Heart: The Heart-Cry of Every Soul

Steve McVey: Forgiven

Book Review: The Cure

The Cure

What if God isn’t who you think
He is and neither are you?

No book, apart from the Bible, has changed my life more dramatically than The Cure.

A few years back, I heard one of the authors, John Lynch, share the message of The Cure at a men’s retreat and felt as if God was speaking directly to my soul. It was in that moment that God opened my eyes to the reality of His unwavering grace and unconditional love, and that He never asked me to try to fix myself before I could enjoy a relationship with Him.

If you want to learn how God views you, how to sin less, and how to finally experience a meaningful relationship with Jesus, I highly suggest you read The Cure.


Purchase The Cure on Amazon today!


Highlighting My Highlights:

I’m one of those guys who can’t read a book without a highlighter in my hand, and as far as I’m concerned, it would be a shame to mark up my favorite content and never share it with you. With that in mind, here are some of my favorite quotes from The Cure:

Chapter One: Two Roads

“We do not see God as He is, and we do not see ourselves as we are.”

“Despite all my passionate sincerity, I keep sinning. Then I get fixated on trying not to sin. Then it repeats: Same sin, same thoughts, same failure.”

“If out primary motive is pleasing God, we’ll never please Him enough and we’ll never learn trust. Pleasing God is a good desire, It just can’t be our primary motivation or it will imprison our hearts… When our primary motive becomes trusting God, however, we suddenly discover there is nothing in the world that pleases Him more! Until you trust God, nothing you do will please God.”

“What if Christ, for the believer, is never over there, on the other side of our sin? What if the power of His death on the cross allows Him to stand right in front of me, on my worst day, and smile bigger and happier than any human being ever could?”

Chapter Two: Two Faces

“No one told me that when I wear a mask, only my mask receives love.”

“This life in Christ is not about what I can do to make myself worthy of His acceptance, but about daily trusting what He has done to make me worthy of His acceptance.”

“We may even be fueled by a sincere desire to make God look good by having our act together. He has no need of such help, but we think it’s our duty. So, we hide our scars and pretend we’re modeling to the world how well God treats His followers. Instead we just come off as weird and smug.”

Chapter Three: Two Gods

“You have as much of God as you’re going to get! He lives in you! You are in Him. How much closer do you want than that? Every moment of every day, fused with you, there He is. He never moves. Never covers His ears when you sin, never puts up a newspaper, never turns His back. He’s not on the other side of your sin, waiting for you to get it together so you can finally be close. It’s incredible! Don’t you think? That’s why they call it ‘Good News’!”

“The reason people rebel is not because they trusted grace or chose to live out of their new identity. It’s the very opposite. It’s moralism, the law of religious practice and thought, that keeps them trying to get away with something.”

“This is the cruel joke we play on ourselves: To bluff and pretend we are righteous, secretly knowing we aren’t, only to eventually discover we actually were all along!”

Chapter Four: Two Solutions

“You can tell another what is going on inside before it happens. And the moment you do—at any point along the way—the cycle stops. The madness, the pain, the damage… all of it stops. The power of sin is broken.”

“I am ‘Christ in me’ on my worst day, in my worst thought, during my worst temptation. So, I learn to tell on myself, both to God and to others. I experience the truth that living in holiness is living with nothing hidden. Then I am clean; I am free; I am healing.”

Chapter Five: Two Healings

“We can almost picture God forced to sit on His hands, waiting until we give up so He can rescue us.”

“If I am to be set free, I must first embrace a forgiveness that is solely for my benefit. Only then can I extend forgiveness to the benefit of another.”

“We must be weakened to the point we drop our defenses long enough to look to God and call out, ‘Help.’ This condition is called repentance… Repentance isn’t doing something about my sin. It’s admitting I can’t do anything about my sin. It’s trusting that only God can cleanse me, and only He can convince me I’m truly cleansed.”

Chapter Six: Two Friends

“What if it was less important that anything ever gets fixed than that nothing has to be hidden?”

“God allows some pain to awaken our hearts. Many of us are awakening to the pain of realizing we can’t even control our world the way we thought we could. We’re stuck with unresolved issues, symptoms we’re trying to fix, without the help of anyone else.”

“Nothing defines religion quite as well as attempting impossible tasks with limited power, all while pretending that it’s working.”

“Only those who risk trusting other flawed, fallible others to love them get to experience love.”

Chapter Seven: Two Destinies

“We can strive to sin less, but not love more. But, when we love more, we cannot help but sin less. This effort allows us to extend love to the wounded, angry, and unlovely. It is the effort of actually living out of who He has made us to be.”

“The quality of your life is based in trusting this: Where you re right now is the perfect place for you, or the God of all goodness and power would not allow you to be there.”


Purchase The Cure on Amazon today!


Weekly Web (W)roundup

weekly_roundup-img-640x290

Each week, we roundup the best links, articles, and videos we find that are relevant to overcoming pornography addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it doesn’t necessarily mean we agree with everything in the linked article. It just means we found it interesting enough to share.


The Gospel: John 3:1–18

Free Music Downloads: Jars of Clay

Worship Wednesdays

About once-a-month, on a Wednesday (hence the name: Worship Wednesdays), I will share one of my favorite albums I’ve been listening to. Most of these will be from NoiseTrade, the internet’s best source for free music downloads. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

 

Jars of Clay—Gather and Build

Our [Jars of Clay] songwriting process is one thing that hasn’t changed much over the years, though it has become more honest and gritty. We essentially turn our chairs toward one another, and begin the process of mining what is most important in that season—what is worth saying, what do we need to hear? We still remain a songwriting band—the arrangements or performances can take on many different shapes and sounds. This exploration and innovation in the creative process is what keeps us running back for each next record. We look forward to this new season of creating as we begin writing again.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

weekly_roundup-img-640x290

Each week, we roundup the best links, articles, and videos we find that are relevant to overcoming pornography addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it doesn’t necessarily mean we agree with everything in the linked article. It just means we found it interesting enough to share.


Village Church: The Grace of Conviction

Storyline: Why Losing Everything Could Be the Best Thing for You

When the Garbage Surfaces (again)

Trash_heapWell, it happened again. Not that I’m surprised. I messed up.

As much as I am tempted to just brush it off as something minor, I still sinned.

And it will happen again.

The Bible makes it clear that every one of us is on a path to sanctification that will continue until the day we are given our new bodies in the next life, which means as long as we are here on Earth, there’s going to be junk that surfaces on occasion. Ideally, these occasions become fewer and fewer with time, but they will never fully go away.

To be honest, I hate this reality. I want to be fully sanctified now. I want to be done with sin. But I can see why God set things up this way. If we no longer struggled with sin, we’d all become self-sufficient, wouldn’t we? We’d forget how much we need a Savior. And man, I desperately need a Savior.

What amazes me the most in this latest stumble though, is the timing of it. At the risk of sounding like a heretic, it feels to me as if God almost “scheduled” me to sin to remind me of the full depth of His Grace in this moment. I’m not fully comfortable saying that’s what happened, but it sure feels like it.

You see, I’m pretty new to this whole recovery ministry thing. I honesty have no idea what I’m doing. But God keeps opening doors and I keep walking through them. That’s all I know how to do. For some reason, even though I’m not perfect, God seems to want to use me to help other men. In the past month, He has allowed me to launch this blog, continue working on writing the book, and even share my story in what could end up being an amazing documentary on pornography. Satan hates all of this. The more of these doors I walk through, the more Satan will try to tear me down or derail me. He wants to sift me like wheat.

I believe that is exactly what is happening right now. The Bible tells us the Devil prowls around like a lion seeking to devour us. It also tells us we are fighting a very real battle against spiritual forces. I’m not an expert on war tactics, but I’ve seen enough guy movies to know the enemy wants to take out Rambo and William Wallace a lot more than the average Joe who wont even pick up his weapon. Now, I’m not saying I’m a spiritual Rambo by any means, but I am without a doubt more of a threat to the plans of the Devil now than I ever have been before. I am venturing into enemy territory to rescue captives, and it will not go unnoticed.

This is one reason why I find the timing of this stumble to be interesting. I can see God working in my life. I see this ministry starting to take root. I also have seen a tendency for me to become prideful because of it.

If I’m being honest, there are moments where I start believing there is something special about me and my particular skill-set when it comes to helping others. The reality though, is any help I could ever offer anyone is only possibly by Christ working through me. So I believe God is humbling me through this, reminding me You cannot do this without me my son. The more I use you in my Kingdom, the more the enemy will attack you. If you let me fight the battle for you, he will not prosper. If you become self-sufficient, he will tear you down before you even realize he is there. 

In God’s mercy, He is teaching me full reliance on Him now, in the infant stages of this ministry, when the stakes are much smaller.

The other reason I wonder if God didn’t “schedule” this stumble is where I am with the book: 10 Lies Men Believe About Porn. I’m about to begin writing the chapter entitled “Lie #5—They Believe their Pornography Habit Separates them from God.” Even though the chapter is focusing specifically on porn, the concept is the same for all sins: We tend to believe God pulls away from us when we sin. We see our sin as a rotting pile of trash that we must clean up before God will allow us to be anywhere near Him. And this is the lie Satan wants us to believe.

It’s a great tactic when you think about it. If, after you sin, you view God as distant, angry, and judgmental, you will never come to Him for help. You will try to fix your sin by yourself, which will never work. On the other hand, if you come to understand the truth of Grace which tells us over and over that God will never pull away from you because of your sin, then there is finally hope for healing and freedom. You see, God isn’t standing on the other side of your trash-pile of sin waiting for you to clean it up. He sent Jesus to your side of the pile to clean it up for you. Jesus is standing right there with His arm around you, reminding you all of your sin has already been paid for at the cross. You are no longer defined by the pile of trash. As for as God is concerned, the pile is no longer even there.

As I sit down to begin writing this chapter about the Grace of God, I am experiencing His Grace as only one who has become painfully aware of their own brokenness can. My most recent affair with sin has reminded me how God’s grace really does cover everything…Thank God. And as I start putting words down on the page, I won’t be beating myself up for being such a failure, but will be experiencing the full depth of God’s Grace and love for me.

How much does He love a sinner like me? Well, he answered that question for me last night. In my moment of brokenness, I turned my iPod to shuffle and God spoke to my heart through the first song that came on:

I don’t know how to explain it
But I know that words will hardly do
Miracles with signs and wonders
Aren’t enough for me to prove to you

Don’t you know I’ve always loved you
Even before there was time
Though you turn away
I’ll tell you still
Don’t you know I’ve always loved you
And I always will

Greater love has not a man
Than the one who gives his life to prove
That he would do anything
And that’s what I’m going to do for you

~Third Day, I’ve Always Loved You~

How have you experienced God’s grace in your life?

10 Lies Men Believe about Porn Preview

Weekly Web (W)roundup

weekly_roundup-img-640x290

Each week, we roundup the best links, articles, and videos we find that are relevant to overcoming pornography addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it doesn’t necessarily mean we agree with everything in the linked article. It just means we found it interesting enough to share.


Village Church: Demons, Discipleship, and Deliverance

Grace for the Road: I Don’t Wait Anymore

Newton Blog: Belief in Angry God Associated with Poor Mental Health

One week later…

Only Jesus can change the hearts of men

It’s been a full week now since the tragic bombing at the Boston Marathon, and it seems like everyone has chimed in since then with their own explanation of how something like this could happen. Most people are trying to find some sort of explanation that will give them hope. They want to believe that their world is safe, that people are basically good, and that we’re on a path to becoming a better society in general. They imagine themselves as the “good” people, and these terrorists as “bad.” But if this were the full story, how do we reconcile all the reports coming from others who personally knew the bombers? They all remember these boys as normal kids, good kids, seemingly incapable of ever committing such an atrocity. They remember these bombers in much the same way that we think of our own friends—and think of ourselves. They are all shocked that such nice boys could do something so evil.

The reality is, apart from the regenerative work of Christ in our hearts, we are all capable of unspeakable evil. Every one of us here on Earth is born full of sin and has the potential for unimaginable wickedness. Every one of us. Our hearts are born literally addicted to sin. And just like any other addiction, it will continually take more and more to satisfy. In the same way no one starts a life of drug use by shooting heroin, no one wakes up one day and decides to plant a bomb in a crowd.

Unfortunately, there are a few hard memories from my own story which illustrate this point all to well:

  • I remember reaching a point where I could no longer feel emotions. I had been hiding and ignoring my emotions for so long as a means to conceal my addiction that they had atrophied. The scariest thing about losing the ability to feel your emotions is you also lose your ability to properly sense any guilt or conviction. I had regressed emotionally to the point where I could watch my own wife cry about the pain I was causing her and literally feel nothing. I had lost the ability to feel empathy, which, at least by definition, meant I had become a psychopath. This didn’t happen overnight of course. It was a long process of unrepentant sin over the span of many years that had brought me to this point.
  • The worst day of my addiction started out just like any other day. Through a series of minor compromises and major lapses in judgement though, I ended up in bed with another woman that evening. If you had asked me that very morning if I would ever commit adultery, I would have told you I was incapable of it. It’s not like I woke up and said “I’m going to destroy my wife with my selfish actions today.” But nonetheless, I did. My pornography addiction had become a full-blown sexual addiction. And again, this wasn’t instant. It was the result of years of small steps in the wrong direction.

Both of these examples show how even a “good” person can be capable of unimaginable evil if they don’t deal with the sin in their hearts. We can say that we are good people all we want, but if don’t find the true answer of how to deal with our sinful natures, we are likely to come face-to-face with the full potential of our sinfulness in extremely painful ways. For me, my sin manifested sexually and blew up my marriage. For these brothers in Boston, their sin manifested through anger and hatred and blew up innocent people.

Folks, this is the reason why we see bombings, school shootings, and unimaginable pain on a regular basis. We are not good people. No one is. The worst part though, is there is nothing we can do about it. But God loves every last one of us so much, He sent His own Son, Jesus, to pay the price for the sinfulness within us. Jesus is our salvation. So it’s not what we can do to take care of our sin problem, it’s what Jesus already did.

Jesus didn’t just cover the penalty of your sin by His death. He also offers you a new, pure, life-filled heart through His resurrection. He can give you a completely new nature. He can actually make you a good person! This is the answer to the world’s problems my friends. Getting rid of guns won’t change anything. Education and tolerance won’t change anything. Policies, laws, rallies, etc. None of this will ever make a significant difference in our world as long as men’s hearts are still full of wickedness and sin. The only thing that will ever change our world, is for the hearts of men to change. And the only way the hearts of men will ever change, is through the work of Jesus Christ, which is available to everyone. This is the good news of the gospel.

You still need convincing that people can truly change? Well, I just got my own proof yesterday. We did a Myers Briggs personality test with my entire office and I found out I am an ENFJ—an Extroverted Feeler. If you aren’t familiar with what that means, let me point out a few descriptors:

  • Highly attuned to others
  • Focus is on supporting others and encouraging their growth
  • Uses empathy to understand other’s emotional needs
  • Devoted to helping others grow

Does this sound like someone who has shut down their emotions and is trapped in the self-focus of addiction? Not at all. If you were to give this description to anyone who knew me three years ago and told them it was my personality type, they would think you were smoking crack. For me, this was scientific proof that I am now a completely new person after putting my faith in Jesus and experiencing the renewing of my heart.

The most amazing thing is I never decided to try to become a better person. I didn’t vow to work hard at developing empathy or putting the needs of other’s first. It just happened. Jesus gave me a new heart, and my behavior changed automatically. I am still human. I am still capable of sin. But the difference is my heart is now full of the love of Christ. Even a non-religious, science-based personality test can see it. Jesus has transformed me into an outwardly focused, heart-driven, lover of others.

Yes, we are all capable or horrendous acts and we all need a solution to the sin in our hearts. But regardless of if we’re talking about the capability within men to plant an explosive bomb in a crowd, or to plant a trauma bomb in their marriage, the answer will always be the same:

We all need Jesus to change our hearts.
Only then will the world see change.

10 Lies Men Believe about Porn Preview