Today’s guest post is by Dr. Neil Anderson of Freedom in Christ Ministries. Dr. Neil’s ministry has been instrumental in my own journey to recovery from pornography, specifically his book The Bondage Breaker. For that reason, I have always had a soft spot in my heart for his ministry. I am honored to be able to share with you one of his recent posts from his Discipleship Counseling blog.

I encourage you to familiarize yourself with the work Freedom in Christ Ministries is doing to help set people free through the power of Christ.

Seek First

While teaching at Talbot School of Theology a young lady called me from the other side of the country asking for help. She said that she had deep personal problems and was plagued by condemning and blasphemous thoughts. I said I would give her a half day (an offer I can’t make anymore) if she wanted to fly to California.

She had some deep spiritual issues. I was glad the airplane stayed in the air with her in it! After she shared her story she quoted 3 John 2, “Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health.” Why isn’t God doing that for me, she asked? I said, I think you need to finish the verse, which reads, “just as your soul prospers.” You have had two abortions, and have tried three times to kick a drug addiction. I remember thinking at the time that the verse was working!

Photo by Jurijus Azanovas

God wants your soul to prosper first. Then everything else falls into order. The same reasoning follows for Psalm 37:4, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Isn’t that great Christian?  God is going to give you the desires of your heart. That is a promise of God. Claim it now and if it doesn’t happen you are not believing hard enough! What rubbish! You are supposed to delight yourself in the Lord first, then He will give you the desires of your heart. If you don’t do that first, your desires will be springing from your flesh, and you will never be able to satisfy those desires. The more you try, the more the flesh grows. If you delight yourself in the Lord, your desires will change. You will desire love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, which is the fruit of the Spirit. What has more value to you than the fruit of the Spirit?

Suppose you told your son to mow the lawn and he didn’t do it. His rebellious nature has caused a rift between the two of you. Then he says, Hey Dad, I have a hot date tonight. I need the keys to the car, and twenty dollars. Would you give him the keys and the twenty dollars? Would God? I don’t think so. I believe God would look very lovingly at His son and say, You need to get right with me first, mow the lawn like I asked, and then we will talk about your “hot date.” If the son actually did that, he may realize the “hot date,” isn’t the best idea after all.

You can find the original post here.

I used to love snowshoeing. Nothing made me feel more alive than getting out into the snowy backcountry to explore the frozen beauty of God’s creation in the winter.

Once I bought backcountry skis though, I suddenly realized how lame snowshoeing really was.

Instead of trudging awkwardly down powder-loaded bowls, I now could float down them effortlessly. Instead of loading my heavy alpine boots into my pack while trudging up the mountain, I could climb with my skis on my feet, shaving 15 pounds off my pack load.

If someone had told me I would need to give up snowshoeing before I had discovered backcountry skiing, it would have broken my heart. I would have fought it passionately. My desire for the winter wilderness was too strong to ignore or overcome. But by discovering something infinitely better though, giving it up wasn’t even an issue. In fact, I forgot about my snowshoes altogether until recently when I dug them out to sell on Craigslist.

The same thing happens when you discover the true desire you are attempting to meet through pornography. Instead of fighting the temptation to look at porn, you will simply forget about it. I know this sounds too good to be true, but again, isn’t that why the Gospel is called the good news?

In order to do this though, you will need to do some digging around in your desires, and no one knows the true desires of your heart better than the One who redeemed it in the first place. The next time you feel drawn to look at porn, stop for a minute and ask Jesus what your real desire is. What are the deepest desires of my redeemed heart? What does my new nature truly desire? Ask Jesus, He knows.

Often times, especially at first, you will only find a fleshly desire driving you to pornography, and that’s okay. Recognizing this lack of a deeper desire can still help you see the temptation for what it truly is. Perhaps your desire to look at porn is the sexual equivalent of eating an entire box of Oreos. You’re not doing it because you are hungry, you’re doing it because you’re bored. You don’t actually desire food, you just want something to do.

Sometimes, you will discover a legitimate desire driving you towards pornography. Perhaps it’s the need for validation, the need for adventure, or the need for intimacy—all of which are legitimate needs that God has placed in your heart. You may discover your desire to look at pornography is an attempt at meeting one of these needs immediately rather than trusting God to fulfill that need eternally. Recognizing what your heart is truly desiring will hopefully encourage you to shift your mind back to the truth of Scripture, bringing your trust back to the faithfulness of God to meet your needs.

In reality, this process will be similar to peeling layers off of an onion. Each time you go through the exercise of discovering your true desire, you are likely to expose another layer of depth, bringing you to an even deeper understanding of your heart. Over time though, you will become quite skilled at recognizing your deepest desires. For that reason, I would encourage you to practice this process with all of your desires, not just pornography. For example, if I want a new jacket, I ask myself if it’s because I truly need it, or because I desire to look outdoorsy? When I post something on Facebook, is it because I truly believe it’s worth sharing, or because I desire to be seen as witty or interesting?

The more you come to recognize the true desires of your redeemed heart—the more you will desire the things of God and the less you will desire porn. Your view of pornography will start to line up with God’s view, allowing you to see porn for what it really is. You will begin to see the women in those movies as your sisters in Christ. Sisters who are deeply hurt and broken by their own sin and shame. Instead of lust, you will start to feel sadness and empathy for them as you more fully understand the situation they are in. Your desires will shift from objectifying them to praying for them. The idea of pornography as a sexual exercise will eventually become repulsive, saddening, and heart-breaking.

One day, you will suddenly realize that you are no longer fighting pornography because your new heart has stopped desiring it. Porn will become nothing more than a dusty pair of snowshoes sitting in your garage. Yeah, you thought it was fun at one time, but you’ve found something so much better now.

Unlike the band U2, you have finally found what you’re looking for.

So what is your heart truly looking for?