Question: One of the biggest things on my mind recently is how to bring support and recovery groups to churches and communities to impact young men and women. How do you set up support groups? And what kind of resources do you use? Have you found one particular method to be more effective than another?

I agree that equipping churches to deal with this issue has been a hurdle in the past. Most churches understand porn is a huge issue but feel like they don’t have the knowledge to properly help men (and women) find freedom from it.

In reality, the best thing a church can do isn’t to try to “deal with it” per se, but to simply offer a safe environment for men to be honest about their struggle without condemnation. That’s why in the groups I lead we constantly repeat the idea that we aren’t here to fix each other, we’re here to bring our junk into the light so it loses its power over us. Once the addiction is no longer hidden, God can finally begin His work of healing in you.

I had looked everywhere for a good resource to use in my own groups and couldn’t find anything I was happy with. There are a ton of great books out there that deal with the symptom (IE: the behavioral response of looking at porn), but nothing that directly addressed the underlying cause (IE: what is causing you to desire porn in the first place).

At the risk of sounding like an infomercial, this is exactly why I wrote my book.

In order to take away all the hurdles and make it as easy as possible for churches to get groups going, I wrote a 12-week study guide and have provided all of the marketing materials (posters, bulletin inserts, announcement slides, promo video, etc.) as free downloads.

Furthermore, churches (or anyone who wants to start a group) can purchase a group kit (5 books, 5 study guides) from me at cost.

This means the only thing a church needs to do is provide a private room and let guys know about it. The guy leading the group could even be going through the material for the first time himself.

In the end, the best thing anyone can do to help an addict is to love them wherever they’re at and help them follow Jesus. Don’t try to fix them. Don’t point out their flaws (trust me, they already know them). Simply love them. Once they trust your love, perhaps then they will trust God’s love. And that is ultimately what will change them.

Thank you again for your question. I hope this answer helped bring you more clarity.

Grace and peace to you in Christ,
Stephen

This question was taken from the recent Reddit AMA I did for NoFapChristians.

If you have a question about pornography addiction, my personal story, or anything else for that matter, you can send it to me by filling out the form on the Contact page (or just click my picture in the sidebar on the right). I will do my best to answer every question personally and will never post your question without your permission.

Question: I know the Bible says lust is wrong, but can I masturbate if I don’t lust?

The Bible never mentions masturbation, which, given the sheer number of laws and regulations that are outlined, is rather telling in itself. In other words, I believe God left masturbation out of the “rules” because He trusts us to use wisdom and the guiding of the Holy Spirit to discern the correct answer for our own individual selves.

The Bible does, however, clearly calls lust a sin and warns us of its detrimental effects. You simply cannot argue that lust is anything apart from sin if you are looking at it from a Biblical perspective.

Can You Masturbate without Lust?

I don’t know. That isn’t a question I can answer for you.

I’ve heard of some guys who can do their thing while thinking about mowing the lawn or whatever. But I know for me there is no way to separate the action from the mental fantasy. If you’re one of the guys who can keep your mind from wandering into lustful thoughts while masturbating, then I don’t see any reason why it would be a problem Biblically.

For me though, this is simply not possible. I can’t separate the two, so in my case the answer is no. But that doesn’t mean it’s the same answer for you.

Can You Masturbate without Becoming a Slave to it?

The other thing to consider, is can you masturbate without it becoming compulsive? The apostle Paul addresses this issue in his letter to the church in Corinth:

You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything (1 Corinthians 6:12).

When looked it in the broader context of this letter, it’s clear Paul is referring to sexuality. No, he’s not saying that everything is okay. The Bible as a whole clearly puts that idea to rest. But He is talking about the areas of sexuality where God allows us the freedom to make decisions based on His leading, such as masturbation.

Paul tells us that just because you may have the freedom to masturbate (apart from lust), it isn’t wise if you become its slave. And chances are, if you’re reading this blog, you are very aware of how easy it is to become a slave to masturbation.

This is why you need to ask yourself if you truly are in control of your masturbation? If it’s controlling you, then perhaps masturbation is not a wise choice for you.

Deciding for Yourself

The bottom line is God hasn’t given us a blanket answer that applies to everyone. This is a decision He wants to make with you individually.

So seek His wisdom. Consider these questions I’ve brought up and answer them honestly. If you seek His direction in this area, He will let you know.

Thank you again for your question. I hope this answer helped bring you more clarity.

Grace and peace to you in Christ,
Stephen

This question was taken from the recent Reddit AMA I did for NoFapChristians.

If you have a question about pornography addiction, my personal story, or anything else for that matter, you can send it to me by filling out the form on the Contact page (or just click my picture in the sidebar on the right). I will do my best to answer every question personally and will never post your question without your permission.