Stephen Kuhn

Question: How do I cope with my highly active sex drive?

First things first, I am not a doctor or a scientist. That being said, I can tell you from my own personal experience of being celibate for multiple years now that one’s libido is somewhat adjustable.

When I was at the peak of my addiction, it was not uncommon for me to have 5+ orgasms a day. I couldn’t even make it through an 8-hour shift of delivering pizzas without stopping once or twice at the adult bookstore preview booth.

At the time, I attributed this to an overactive sex drive.

In the past years though, my sex drive hasn’t completely shut off, but it doesn’t control me like it did before. Your body has a remarkable ability to self-regulate in this area. Yes, there will be a transition period as you down-regulate semen production and other related processes, but they will adjust with time.

I have wondered if my reduced libido these days is simply a result of my aging, but I do not believe that to be the case. I have become much healthier, lost a bunch of weight, and cleaned up my eating and sleep habits since those days—which means I actually have higher testosterone and increased fertility today. Yes, that is merely an N=1 observational study, but I believe its proof that sex drive goes much deeper than hormones.

As you transition down though, learn to love cold showers. I’m serious. It has been a life saver for me. I’ve found that if you alternate between 10-seconds hot and 20-seconds cold, it’s actually enjoyable (unlike the torture of a purely cold shower). It sounds crazy, but it works.

The Real Question You Need to Ask

All that being said, what if your sex drive isn’t actually producing the desire for acting out, but it’s actually the result of attempting to satisfy a deeper issue in your heart through ways that can bring true satisfaction?

Perhaps you’ve been “going to the well” to satisfy a thirst that can only be satisfied by Living Water.

After all, if you find a way to satisfy that need to where you “thirst” again, well, to me that sounds like freedom.

Thank you again for your question. I hope this answer helped bring you more clarity.

Grace and peace to you in Christ,
Stephen

This question was taken from the recent Reddit AMA I did for NoFapChristians.

If you have a question about pornography addiction, my personal story, or anything else for that matter, you can send it to me by filling out the form on the Contact page (or just click my picture in the sidebar on the right). I will do my best to answer every question personally and will never post your question without your permission.

Question: One of the biggest things on my mind recently is how to bring support and recovery groups to churches and communities to impact young men and women. How do you set up support groups? And what kind of resources do you use? Have you found one particular method to be more effective than another?

I agree that equipping churches to deal with this issue has been a hurdle in the past. Most churches understand porn is a huge issue but feel like they don’t have the knowledge to properly help men (and women) find freedom from it.

In reality, the best thing a church can do isn’t to try to “deal with it” per se, but to simply offer a safe environment for men to be honest about their struggle without condemnation. That’s why in the groups I lead we constantly repeat the idea that we aren’t here to fix each other, we’re here to bring our junk into the light so it loses its power over us. Once the addiction is no longer hidden, God can finally begin His work of healing in you.

I had looked everywhere for a good resource to use in my own groups and couldn’t find anything I was happy with. There are a ton of great books out there that deal with the symptom (IE: the behavioral response of looking at porn), but nothing that directly addressed the underlying cause (IE: what is causing you to desire porn in the first place).

At the risk of sounding like an infomercial, this is exactly why I wrote my book.

In order to take away all the hurdles and make it as easy as possible for churches to get groups going, I wrote a 12-week study guide and have provided all of the marketing materials (posters, bulletin inserts, announcement slides, promo video, etc.) as free downloads.

Furthermore, churches (or anyone who wants to start a group) can purchase a group kit (5 books, 5 study guides) from me at cost.

This means the only thing a church needs to do is provide a private room and let guys know about it. The guy leading the group could even be going through the material for the first time himself.

In the end, the best thing anyone can do to help an addict is to love them wherever they’re at and help them follow Jesus. Don’t try to fix them. Don’t point out their flaws (trust me, they already know them). Simply love them. Once they trust your love, perhaps then they will trust God’s love. And that is ultimately what will change them.

Thank you again for your question. I hope this answer helped bring you more clarity.

Grace and peace to you in Christ,
Stephen

This question was taken from the recent Reddit AMA I did for NoFapChristians.

If you have a question about pornography addiction, my personal story, or anything else for that matter, you can send it to me by filling out the form on the Contact page (or just click my picture in the sidebar on the right). I will do my best to answer every question personally and will never post your question without your permission.