Stephen Kuhn

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Transcript

Stephen: I’ve got Cory Schortzman on the line. Cory is the executive director of Transformed Hearts Counseling Center and the author of multiple books on recovery. Cory, what’s the one piece of advice that you would give to somebody struggling with porn addiction?

Cory: Thanks. Good afternoon, Stephen. A couple of main things I’d like to talk about as maybe kind of a typical… There’s always accountability, honesty, lying, these sorts of things that help men come out of pornography, and getting in groups. But the one thing that I don’t find a lot of people talking about is this addiction to being offended. I believe that underneath any and every addiction is an addiction to being offended. And I find this in my own recovery, my own sobriety. And what does this really mean? So these are people that generally to go and act out, underneath that is deeper issues of feeling hurt, real or imagined offences get us to a place to want to go medicate those feelings and emotions. I have a website. I do a lot of blogging and an offended test. The Anatomy of Peace, Leadership, Self-deception by The Arbinger Institute. These books have taken me beyond my 12-step program over the years and really identifying that it is true and God’s word, when in the last days, many will be offended. Many will be lovers of themselves. It goes on to say love will grow cold. As we know, lust takes… I like to define lust as taking fantasy, takes… Imagination is about giving to others. Love is about giving.

So they’re just some quick little tidbits here on what this assessment looks like. If you find yourself thinking and believing your qualities are better than others, or you find yourself thinking and believing that the qualities of others are worse than yours, you find yourself as judge, jury, and executioner. You think about getting even with those that have hurt you.

Number three, you’re quick to accuse, blame, and criticize others for your own problems, thoughts, and actions. Another one here, you find yourself unable to sleep and awaken at night, unable to fall back to sleep, having your racing thoughts and feeling disrespect that you’ve been done wrong. You’re easily angered and become defensive when you ask to change or are confronted about your behaviors. You believe that only if others change, then your relationships with them would be better.

Here’s another one: you allow your emotions to dictate how you act. Generally, typical things that I see… and there are several more of these as I’ve assessed. So if you explore five or more of these, you might have an addiction to being offended. And part of this assessment too is we hear a lot [inaudible – 03:49] parts [inaudible] is the lesser known. Everybody is familiar with sex addiction, but what’s lesser known is intimacy anorexia. And this is an intentional withholding of our hearts, feelings, and emotions with our spouse. And in my research, about 64 percent of the guys that come to our office are not only sex addicts but intimacy anorexics. So to do that assessment, I have also on our website. And it can be very helpful for the guy we’re trying to help. So if you’re a guy not finding much success, you’ve been in recovery for a while from your acting out, there might be a 6 out of 10 chance that you’re only dealing with half the addiction, and that is intimacy anorexia.

So if there’s one thing today, I guess there are two things I want to bring to the table, and that’s an addiction to being offended, which I believe is also underneath the anorexia addiction. So a lot of things. I don’t want people to feel overwhelmed like oh, I’ve got more stuff to work on. But we do want tools and information out there, so check out our website and the blog. I’ve been blogging now for over a year. We have some YouTube clips out there that can help get them started. Thanks, Stephen.

Stephen: Yeah, awesome. I think those are a couple of great resources. I encourage all the guys watching this to check out those assessments, fill them out, and just see. It’s amazing what you can learn from just answering some of those introspective questions. I know in my own journey that intimacy anorexia was something that I worked through with my counselor. And it’s not something that’s on a lot of guys’ radars. But once their eyes are open to it, then they recognize it in their life. And you can see how it really does play a big part in pornography addiction. So I’m glad you shared that, Cory.

Can you tell people where they can find out more about you and your ministry?

Cory: Yeah, absolutely. We are based in Colorado Springs, and we also have a satellite office in Denver. But surprisingly, most of our practice is by phone. So don’t let that limit you. Give us a call. Our website is transformedhearts.com. The phone number is 719-590-1350. We do free assessments. We have lots of books and resources, YouTube stuff, the blogs. We do 3-day and 5-day intensives. We do phone counseling groups. So really, at any point of entrance, depending on your budget and availability, we want to help you out. So give us a call and see how we can serve you. Thanks.

Stephen: Yeah, awesome. As always, all that information will be in the show notes. So if you guys didn’t catch all that watching, just scroll down below and you’ll see all those links. Cory, thanks again for your time, I love what you’re doing, and keep up the great work.

Cory: Thanks Stephen, be blessed.

Stephen: See you.

Cory: Bye.

Check out all the “One Thing” video interviews here.

Transcript

Stephen: Hi guys. Steve here with Belt of Truth Ministries. I’ve got Jerry Sinclair on the line. Jerry is from Faithful and True down in Jacksonville, Florida. Jerry, what’s the one piece of advice that you would give to somebody struggling with porn addiction?

Jerry: Well, Steve, it’s something that I think is a little surprising to some, but I want to share it with anybody that’s hearing this message – whether it be the porn addict, the sex addict, the adulterer, or the victim, the wife of someone. And that is there is no magical cure. But what advice I would say is that there is no real answer to sexual sin, no single one. I know you’ve had a lot of interviews over the last several weeks, months. But it’s a fact that the word magic really does not appear in the scripture as a single word. It’s always a part of a word, part of the word mystic or mystical or magical. The truth is that we are not immune to sexual temptation. Now probably 85 percent of the population has no problem with it. They deal with it. They have a struggle. They see something that may or may not trigger them. They deal with it, handle it, and then move on. They’re not addicted to it.

But for the true porn addict, for the sex addict, for the one who struggles, I want to give you some hope, and that is don’t look for the magical cure. Don’t look for the word deliverance even in the vocabulary. The word deliverance is overused in our post-modern biblical word. But it’s more of a word that deals more with pain, with sickness, and also with captivity. But the word deliverance has very little to do with sin or temptation. I’ll quote scripture that I think would be very appropriate here. Hebrews 11:35b says, “And others were tortured but did not accept deliverance, that they might obtain a better resurrection.” James 1:12 says, “Blessed is the man that endureth temptation, for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised him that love him.” 1^st Peter 1:6 says, “Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations.” 2^nd Corinthians 10:5 is the one that’s really used a lot in scriptures. It says, “Casting down imaginations (or fantasies), and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.”

I think one of the things that we have to remember about captivity is we think about world wars, conflicts between nations. When they take someone captive, they’re smart enough to really tell their captives they don’t want to shoot them. They don’t want to put them on a firing squad. They want to interrogate them. And I really encourage anyone that’s struggling with sexual sin to take their thoughts captive and then find out what is it your soul is really trying to tell you. What are you trying to obtain? What is it that you really want as a goal? Now the average sex addict, the guy out there in the street, might say, “Well, I’ve just got this huge sexual need, and I’ve got to get it fulfilled.” I would say the apostle Paul deals with that very, very distinctly. When he talks about those that are single [inaudible – 03:32] so that you get closer to the Lord. And then if you must [inaudible] anyway [inaudible]. But then, all of a sudden, your attention is going to be focused to your spouse, not as much to the Lord. So there is always an outlet. There is always a release. There is always a place for someone to go. And that’s why I like Psalm 9:9, “The Lord will always be a refuge for the depressed, a refuge in the times of trouble.” [inaudible – 03:59] scripture though that I want to really encourage people with, and that’s Proverbs 11:14 where the scripture says, “Where there is no counsel, the people fall. But in the multitude of counselors there is safety.” I think many people that watch videos like yours and read on that line and try to pray their way out of this by themselves are really going down the false pathway that leads to destruction, the pathway of fall, because the pathway of fall is which you don’t go down by yourself. But getting amongst other men that struggle with the same problem, if you’re a woman watching this and you struggle with pornography, getting around other women that struggle with this is also important. Now I realize that’s not always easy, but that’s really what you need to do. People in the church don’t always understand this. They really kind of avoid it. And church has been known for that for generations. But even in today’s enlightened world, it’s still an uncomfortable topic for many people. But if you get around people who are struggling the same way as you are that have maybe been down the path, the journey of recovery a little bit longer, they’re going to offer you a lot more wisdom than you doing it by yourself.

And finally, I compare this to try and play basketball against LeBron James. If you try to play basketball with LeBron James one-on-one, you’re going to get stuffed every time. You won’t get a shot off. He’ll score 20 points, game over. But if you’ve got four of your buddies that were also in recovery, struggling with the same thing you’re struggling, and LeBron James [inaudible – 05:27] and try to play 5 on 1 against LeBron James, you’ll get some victories. You’ll get some shots off. Your buddy gets some buckets. [inaudible] the final victory [inaudible]. There has really been no cure for this. There’s no magic bullet. There’s no shot we could take [inaudible]. It’s just a constant daily practice of doing the right things and eliminating the wrong things. And that’s kind of what I like to share with guys. Remember, there is no magic bullet, no magical cure. There’s no one answer. It’s just constant daily practice of doing the right things and eliminating the bad things in our lives.

Stephen: Great. A lot of great points there. I love what you had to say about taking thoughts captive and that analogy that when prisoners are taken in war, you don’t shoot them; you interrogate them. And that’s exactly what we need to do with our thoughts and figure out what is the desire underneath the desire? What’s driving you to the pornography? When you start dealing with that, you’re going to have a lot more progress in moving towards freedom than if you’re just constantly trying to eliminate desires or things like that.

Jerry: That’s an important word, progress [inaudible – 06:38] we look for. God is [inaudible]. So we don’t have to seek perfection. All we have to do is make progress and let God kind of take some of the things and take the pressure off of us. If we allow God to do that, I think we’re going to see a lot more freedom and a lot less [inaudible].

Stephen: Absolutely. Well, Jerry, can you tell people where they can find out more about you online?

Jerry: Our website is 904true.org. I encourage people to go there. You’ll find some information about us and some contact information as well. If they want to contact me directly, our hotline 24 hours a day is on a recording machine. That number is 904-443-0246. People can call us, contact us, especially if you live in the Northeast Florida area or you know someone that’s struggling with this. Even if you live outside the area, I have a lot of resources and friends and contacts in the various parts of the United States, in Canada, that would love to be able to connect you with someone that might be able to help you down this journey if you’re all alone.

Stephen: Great. Well, thanks for all that you’re doing and for putting yourself out there to help other people. I appreciate what you’re doing in the kingdom. So thanks again for your time, Jerry.

Jerry: Thank you, Stephen.

Stephen:  See you.

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Transcript

Stephen: Hi guys. Steve here with Belt of Truth Ministries. I’m on the line with Gerry Breshears. Gerry is a professor of theology at Western Seminary in Portland, Oregon. He’s a pastor to pastors with a heart for troubled people, as well as a co-author of four books. So, Gerry, thanks for joining us today. What’s the one piece of advice that you would give to somebody struggling with porn addiction?

Gerry: Well, it’s a very real struggle. There are a couple of things that make me think here. One is the understanding that Jesus is completely committed to the idea of helping us move toward faithfulness. So there’s basically pistus, which is faith or pure, and porneo, which is defiled sexual activity of all different kinds. His goal is to move us toward pistus, toward faithfulness, toward wholeness, toward purity. And frankly, it feels really good.

When I’m working with guys – and not just guys, women too – who are struggling with pornography and just the compulsiveness that that ties into, one of the things I try to remember is if you had a powerful regenerating work of the Holy Spirit, if you’ve gotten that new heart that comes through the work of the Holy Spirit, your deepest desires are for cleanliness. And as much as the desire is to get back into the porn because it provides a short-term thrill… It takes away the tension briefly. It really does give you a relief to do porn stuff. But then it’s like diving in a cesspool. You get dirty. So one of the things I try to think through is remembering that Jesus wants to help us move toward purity, toward cleanliness. And if you’ve got that new heart cleanliness feels good. And [inaudible – 02:07] easy to get there. But here’s what I try to think through: I am going to be most happy when I am pure because my desires are to be like Jesus, to be pure, to be pistus. So what I ask people when the wave comes and it feels like, “Man, I’ve just got to do it. I can’t live without it,” almost, is to stop and think. And that actually takes a bit to stop and think, prayer, got to Jesus, remembering that he wants to help, if possible, community, text a friend. Don’t do it by yourself. Satan’s agenda is to disconnect you from God [inaudible – 02:51], disconnect you from friends. They’ll laugh at you. And then when you’re connecting with Jesus, is then stop and think what will make me most happy, because my belief is that because Jesus helps us because you have that new heart, because you have the power of the Holy Spirit, that if we stop and think [inaudible – 03:14], in community and do what will make me most deeply happy, I’ll almost always do the right thing. But the porn thing is I’ve got to have it, have it right now. And you don’t connect with Jesus. You don’t connect with the community. You think what will get me through the next few minutes. And you dive in a cesspool. And I don’t want people to have to deal with a dirty cesspool. Jesus wants you to be clean. He wants you to be pistus. He wants you to be pure. And he will help. And with the power of Jesus, [inaudible – 03:45] desires of my new heart. There’s a lot of freedom [inaudible]. That’s my primary advice.

Stephen: Yeah, that’s awesome. I couldn’t have said it better myself. Thank you for sharing that.

Gerry: [crosstalk – 03:58] better if you to go Titus, chapter 3, verses 3 through 8. You’ll find a lot of those [inaudible] talking about.

Stephen: Awesome, yeah, I would encourage anyone watching to check that out, Titus, chapter 3. Gerry, where can people find out more about you and your ministry?

Gerry: Well, I’m pretty active on Facebook. I started a couple of brewhahas here lately with some theological questions. And we have some pretty active dialogs going on there. I work on Western Seminary. We’ve got on active website here at Western. And a long email, gbreshears@westernseminary.edu. And I love to help people find purity.

Stephen: Awesome. We’ll put all that information in the show notes. Thank you again for your time. I love what you’re doing. Any chance I get to hear you talk, I’m always there because I just love your heart and the way you communicate what sometimes can be hard truths for people to get. I just think you’ve got a real gift of communicating them in caring and easy to understand ways, which is getting more and more rare these days, unfortunately.

Gerry: Yeah, I’ve given your book to a lot of different people, Steve, thanks.

Stephen: Oh, thank you. I appreciate your time. And thanks again, Gerry.

Gerry: God bless.