Stephen Kuhn

Stephen Kuhn has been leading recovery groups, speaking at college campuses, and providing free online counseling through Belt of Truth Ministries ever since he got steamrolled by Jesus and set free from the chains of porn addiction. His passion is to allow God to use the story of redemption in his life to encourage other men to seek healing through the work of Christ as well.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

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Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.


Randy Alcorn: If God Is Happy, Why Does He Seem Bad-Tempered?

“Sin is so prevalent and the Bible is written to point out and deal with the sin problem. Hence, we often do see a God with anger and wrath, and it’s easy to overlook all of the lovingkindness passages and all the passages about God delighting in His people and God being pleased.”

KeyLife: Lent Makes Me Feel Guilty

“One of the reasons I grieve for folks who insist on their own goodness is that they miss so much. It’s not their sin that is sad; it’s their stiffness. Once you start calling something right that God says is wrong—gluttony, sexual sin, arrogance, bitterness, lack of compassion, self-righteousness, etc.—you burn the bridge that leads to a God who will ‘hug’ you.”

CovenantEyes: How to Parent for Purity in the 21st Century

“My children now tell me their greatest fear was that we would not understand how they feel. But I do understand. I know what it is like to feel the allure of pornography even though I know it would destroy me. I know what it is like as a kid to be shown pornography by a friend. I know what it is like to feel ashamed at what I let myself see and allowed my mind to imagine.”

XXXChurch: 3 Ways to Stop Blaming Others and Finally Own Your Porn Problem

“The way to cut off the first sprout of blame is to free ourselves and others from the immediate conspiracy theories that pop up in our heads, and to offer openness instead.”

Rob Bell: Rain

In Christ: You can call God “Abba”

You have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father” (Romans 8:15).

I may be sacrificing any semblance of credibility for admitting this, but I absolutely love the movie, Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Yes, it’s ridiculous; and yes, it’s not exactly the best theological commentary; but every time I watch it I find myself laughing hysterically (and slightly ashamed at my ability to quote every line).

One scene I particularly enjoy is when God sticks His head through the clouds and speaks directly to King Arthur. God is all business, and He appears to have become quite frustrated and impatient with humanity. At one point, He goes off on a tirade about how annoying His subjects are: “If it’s one thing I can’t stand, its people groveling. Every time I try to talk to someone it’s ‘sorry this’ and ‘forgive me that’ and ‘I’m not worthy…’”

What stands out to me about this scene though, is how the film-makers, in their attempt to create something humorous, have actually provided a sobering commentary on how many people truly do view God.

A lot of folks, when they think of God, see Him as a harsh cosmic judge or task-master. They see a man with a long beard and glowing crown (not unlike the picture of God in the movie), sitting on a throne bossing people around: “Do this, do that, follow the rules, and don’t even think about doing anything fun or I shall smite thee!”

But that’s the not the picture of God we’re given in the Bible. In fact, Romans 8:15 says exactly the opposite.

Paul tells us in this verse that those who are in Christ don’t need to fear God as a slave owner. The image of a cruel, impatient, and demanding God poking His head through the clouds to give us His marching orders is simply not true.

God doesn’t see you as His slave; He sees you as His beloved child. He has adopted you into His family because He loves you with the perfect love of a sinless Father. This unconditional love is what allows us to respond to Him as our “Abba (Daddy),” and come to Him to be fathered rather than judged or condemned.

Imagine if King Arthur had addressed the movie version of God as “Daddy.” I doubt He would have received a warm embrace. But that’s the danger that comes with misunderstanding God’s true nature: As long as you fear God’s judgement, wrath, or condemnation as a slave-driver, you will be more likely to grovel before Him than to run to Him for help whenever you fall.

But now that your union with Christ has made you a permanent member of God’s family, there’s no need to grovel. You can run straight to your Abba Father with confidence that He will embrace you no matter what.

This post is an excerpt from my new book, 52 Amazing Things That Became True of You the Moment You Trusted Christ. If you enjoyed what you read here, be sure to check out the book for 51 more awesome truths about how God sees you!

Smart Quote: Brennan Manning

"How long will it be before we discover we cannot dazzle God with our accomplishments? When will we acknowledge that we need not and cannot buy God's favor? When will we acknowledge we don't have it all together and happily accept the gift of grace?" - Brennan Manning

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

weekly_roundup-img-640x290

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.


CovenantEyes: 5 Horrible Ways to Tell Your Wife About Your Porn Addiction

“There is not a ‘good’ way to tell your wife–if by ‘good’ you mean she won’t feel hurt. But there are ways to tell your wife that are ‘bad’–meaning they exacerbate the damage of your sin by how you communicate the information. The purpose of this post is help you avoid five common mistakes in talking to your wife.”

Seattle School of Theology: The Curious Risk of Restoring Men

“Therefore, the other part of the work I do is to help boys grow up into godly men—and to help dads raise up godly men out of their boys. It’s actually because you (my daughter) are so important, so valuable, so precious, that I want to do whatever I can to help create a world that grows up good men so that you have a good husband and your children have a good father. You deserve that. It’s not that you are unimportant. In fact, it’s because you are super important!”

Paul Young: You Never Need to Feel Shame

“Only as we grow and mature do we begin to realize that there are fundamental relational truths that are so much deeper than laws and rules. These can be summed up by the law of love, or Golden Rule, but they center around expressing a life full of other-centered, self-giving love.”

Tim Challies: Messy Grace

“One of Messy Grace’s strengths is Kaltenbach’s description of just how much homosexuality provides an identity. For that reason, when you tell a homosexual that he must renounce his homosexuality, you are not asking him to renounce mere behavior, but an entire identity, an entire means of self-understanding.”

Pete Wilson: But God

DONE: You Have Been Set Free from All Condemnation

 So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1).

If you’ve been around the church for a while you’ve probably heard this verse a hundred times. But have you ever thought about what it actually means, particularly what it means for you?

For example, have you considered what percentage of your sin was paid for by Jesus at the Cross? Was it 20%? 50%?

According to the Bible, it was 100%. All your sin was paid for at the cross.

Or what about this question: How much of your sin has been committed after Jesus paid for it on the cross?

Unless you’re more than 2000 years old, all of your sin has been committed after the cross.

It’s probably easy for you to understand that every sinful thing you’ve ever done was paid for by Jesus, but do you realize that every sinful thing you still have yet to do has already been paid for as well?

That’s a difficult concept for our time-conscious minds to grasp.

Not for Jesus though. When He died as the perfect sacrifice two thousand years ago, He knew the entire list of sins you would commit over the course of your life (even those you will commit ten, twenty, or thirty years from now), and His death covered every last one of them.

All the sins (past, present, and future) of all believers (past, present, and future) were paid for by His death.

It’s this complete payment of all sin for all eternity that allowed Jesus to proclaim “It is finished!”

No more guilt.

No more punishment.

No more condemnation.

None.

No matter how much you’ve sinned (or will sin), if your faith is in Christ, it’s already been made right. No further justice or retribution will ever be required.

So from now on, when you sin, don’t beat yourself up and feel as if your sin is causing God to see you as unacceptable. I would encourage you instead to come before God with thankfulness:

  • Thank Him that Jesus already paid for the sin you just committed.
  • Thank Him that He loves and accepts you unconditionally in spite of the sin you still commit.
  • Thank Him that He only sees the righteousness of Christ in you no matter how many times you still mess up.

Odds are good we all will continue to wrestle with sin in the years to come. But thanks to Jesus bending time and space to pay for our future sins with His past sacrifice, we can now run to God rather than fearing His condemnation.

Smart Quote: C.H. Spurgeon

“No matter what good truths you have to teach, no one will thank you if you do not speak kindly.” —C.H. Spurgeon

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

Be Loved / Belong / Believe

Spoiler Alert: This is rarely helpful or effective.

Chances are, there’s at least one person in your life whom you’ve been praying will believe something deeply important to you is also deeply important to them.

However, no matter how hard you try to convince them, or how sound and logical your arguments are, they simply aren’t willing to consider your position. Your conversations all devolve into arguments, and you both walk away frustrated and hurt.

What if trying to change someone’s belief isn’t the best focus?

I wholeheartedly believe the foundation of true healing and freedom must be Jesus. To me that is not debatable. But if I’m talking with a guy who doesn’t hold that same belief and I make it my goal to convince him otherwise, there’s a good chance that will be our only meeting. He will feel like my only interest in him is to make him think like me—not to offer him help or be his friend.

In other words, he will feel like a project rather than a person.

That’s why I’ve found it’s much more productive to focus on loving others well than trying to change their beliefs. The beauty of this, is it’s actually much more likely to lead to meaningful and honest conversations about beliefs.

Let me explain how this looks in our recovery meetings.

Be loved: When a guy shows up for the first time, we make it a point to let him know he’s welcome and loved—no matter where he’s at in his journey. Even if he wants nothing to do with Jesus, we’re still glad he’s there. There’s no requirement to believe a certain way to be loved by and included in our group.

Belong: Our goal is that by knowing he’s surrounded by brothers who love him right where he’s at, he would eventually feel like a true member of the group (because he is).

Believe: This sense of belonging provides a safe environment for him to be honest about his struggles, and perhaps even ask questions about deeper faith issues as well. It may take hearing 100 stories from other guys in the group about their relationships with Jesus before he even considers looking into Christ himself—or he may never believe. Either way, we’re still going to keep loving him and welcoming him with open arms.

You see, we understand it’s not our job to change people (only God can do that), so we leave that part up to Him. Our job is simply to love people. And if we love them well, perhaps then they will ask us about the hope we have in our lives.

Or, you could always yell at them through a bull-horn. I don’t think that’s going to be very effective though.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

weekly_roundup-img-640x290

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.


Desiring God: How to Have Intimacy with God

“But of course intimacy is not spatial but relational. We all know what it’s like to be sitting right next to a person with whom we feel distant and we can feel close to a person who is four thousand miles away.”

Seattle School of Theology: What I Learned about Healing from the Seattle Seahawks

“I quickly realized that the attitude I have toward the Seahawks is the same one I have toward myself. Will I ever be enough? Reflecting on the Seahawks, and what they reflect about my own life, I have discovered a few ideas about healing to take with me on my journey.”

Key Life: Why Controllers Control

“We have all come to our own conclusions about life and how it should be lived, and will fight hard to protect the sometimes thin veneer those beliefs represent between us and insanity. Because, listen, if I accept that your belief is true and mine is a pile of junk, then I’ve been living my life as a lie.”

John Piper: You Are More Loved Than You Imagine

DONE: You Are Right with God

Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us (Romans 5:1).

When the Apostle Paul penned this verse, he had just finished writing an entire chapter explaining how Abraham was saved by his faith, not by his good deeds.

This must have been quite shocking to the original recipients of the letter, being that many of the Christians in Rome had grown up in the Jewish tradition. They saw Abraham as the father of their religion, which was based heavily upon following the law (good deeds) to maintain a right standing with God.

But now Paul is telling them it wasn’t actually Abraham’s ability to follow the law that saved him—it was his faith. Abraham trusted God, and that’s the only reason God counted Him as righteous.

Paul may as well have said up was down and down was up.

He could have stopped there, leaving Romans 4 as an interesting biographical lesson on the life of Abraham, but thankfully Paul continued on to write the verse we’re looking at today (and likely stunning his readers even more).

Paul wanted to make sure his readers knew that all these things he just told them about Abraham are also true for everyone who’s faith has been placed in Christ.

That includes you and me today.

In the same way Abraham’s deeds had nothing to do with his righteousness, your deeds have no bearing on your righteousness either. Simply put, you can’t earn God’s acceptance through behavior.

At first glance, the idea that you could never do enough good to earn God’s acceptance sounds likes bad news, but actually it’s wonderful news.

Think of it this way. If God’s acceptance depended on your good works, how much good would you have to do to know that you’d earned it? At a minimum, you would need to do enough to compensate for your mistakes, right? And then, every time you messed up, you would have to do more good deeds to get back to baseline.

I don’t know about you, but that sounds exhausting. Plus, you would never know for sure whether you were doing enough, so you would always doubt God’s acceptance of you.

But look once again at what Paul tells us in this verse. He makes it clear that we have been made right with God by faith.

“Have been…” Past tense. It’s a done deal.

Your righteousness had nothing to do with your good works when God gave it to you (through Christ), and it still doesn’t today.

By trusting that you have already been made right with God, it will free you from the endless treadmill of trying to earn your own righteousness.

And that, my friend, will lead you to tremendous peace.

Smart Quote: John Eldredge

“The true story of every person in this world is not the story you see, the external story. The true story of each person is the journey of his or her heart.” —John Eldredge

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.