Reader Q/A: How do I stop thinking about past sexual partners?

Additional Resources


The Bondage Breaker, Neil Anderson


Ransomed Heart Ministries, Soul TiesPart 1, Part 2, Part 3

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Hey guys! Steve from Belt of Truth Ministries here. I want to start answering questions from you guys from video rather than just writing. I think this will be a little more personal, a little more fun to do it this way.

And actually the main reason I’m doing this is I got a question just last week from a woman and she didn’t leave her email address and so I couldn’t respond back to her directly. So I figured this will be a great opportunity to do a video first, because the question she had is a question that I’m sure a lot of you guys have and women that are checking this out as well.

Her question was she’s currently married and she finds she has a previous sexual partner, a boyfriend, before she was married and she can’t stop thinking about him. She loves her husband. She tries to connect with him but her mind is constantly going back to fantasies about this previous partner and she reached out to me and said “how do I stop? I don’t want to be thinking about him but I can’t stop” and I figured this is a question that a lot of you probably have.

And here’s the thing though, the bible talks directly about this. What we have going on here is what we call a soul tie. In 1 Corinthians 1:16 and 18, I love the way that the message translation puts it. It says “there’s more to sex than just skin on skin. Sex is as much a spiritual mystery as a physical act, as written in the scriptures, two become one.” There’s a union going on there. And actually Paul goes on to talk in verse 18. “There’s a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others.” In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeling love for again, becoming one, with another. When two people come together sexually, their spirits are united. They’re connected spiritually. This is awesome in marriage and this is why God created it, created sex for marriage. It will literally fuse you and your wife together in a unity. You become one.

The problem though is when that happens outside of marriage and it happens with multiple partners and I’m willing to bet that’s what’s going on here with this women that she still has that spiritual union going on with that previous partner. And this plays out in a lot of ways. If you find that you just can’t stop thinking about somebody, if you find that you’ve got letters from ex-girlfriends or photos of ex-girlfriends that you just can’t get rid of, that every now and then you just pull out and you want to look at them and maybe you’re still Facebook friends with a previous sexual partner or somebody that you’ve lusted after significantly and you keep going back to their site and Facebook-stalking them. All of that stuff can be signs of soul ties and they’re not healthy and they’re not beneficial. But the great thing is God wants to break them and He can break them and here’s how that works.

In order to break those soul ties, it’s a spiritual battle. It’s not something you can do on your own. It’s something that God must do for you. I encourage you to find some time to get alone, grab a notebook and sit down and just say “Lord, please bring to my mind any soul ties, any bondage that’s going on in my heart, any connection that’s going with another person that’s causing bondage. Please bring that to my mind.” And write it down, no matter how insignificant, no matter how little it seems, just trust that the Holy Spirit is bringing that to your mind and if you’re like me, you’re going to end up with a pretty big list. I remember when I did this the first time, I had all of my ex-girlfriends, the women that I had been with previous to marriage, lots of times looking at pornography, things like that. Even things as simple as playing Ouija board in middle school. It seemed totally innocent but the Lord brought it to my heart. I figured “okay, I’ll deal with it.”

Once you have your list, start going through those one at a time and just say “Lord, I bring to mind this specific instance” whatever it is, so let’s just say example A. It’s like “Lord, I bring to you example A and I confess that that was sin and I believe that Satan has gained some sort of access to my life through that. I believe that there’s been some sort of soul tie in my heart because of that and I ask that you break that Lord. You break it by your blood. I trust that the power of Jesus on the cross is strong enough to break that soul tie. Lord, please let there be nothing in my heart that is drawing me away from you, nothing that is connecting me in an unholy way to anything other than you. Lord, by the power of your name, I ask you to break that.” And just go through one at a time on every one of those and I guarantee you, you’re going to find tremendous freedom.

If you want to go much deeper on this, because this is a huge, I mean this is a big thing. It’s more than we can talk about in the five-minute video. If you want to go much deeper in this, there’s resources in the notes below this video on my page. Go to You’ll find the show notes for this page and I really encourage you to pick up a book, The Bondage Breaker by Neil Anderson and also I’m going to list some podcast, some from Ransom Heart Ministries, talking even more on soul ties.

Either way, I wish you guys the best. I encourage you to do this. Don’t put this off. It’s a huge thing. If you’ve read my story, going through prayers like this was a major turning point in my story. I encourage you guys to do the same.

If you guys have any questions for me, as always go to and there’ll be a form there. You can send me your questions anonymously. I’ll either get back through an email or if you’re fine with it, check the little box so I can answer your question with a video and who knows, maybe your question will be next.

Thanks guys! See ya!

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