Reader Q/A: How Do I Know if My Husband Truly Has Changed?

Question: Wow! Your story sounds just like mine except I’m not sure if my husband cheated or not… I guess I might never know since he’s still in denial and escape lying mode. Anyway, he left me about a month ago because he got frustrated and doesn’t believe God wants to help him from his addictions.

I have been praying for one month for God’s will in my life. I’ve tried contacting my husband but he doesn’t really care to connect with me outside of marriage counseling.

Is it ok to wait in my heart about two more months and then back away completely to see if he really does want to change? How will I know if he does change? I’m so confused with his charm and his words. All trust has been broken and I have hope in God to move me forward but I just don’t know if it’s with him or not.

Reader Q/A

I’m sorry to hear about your difficulties with your husband. I hope you know you’re not alone in that. Your situation is more common than you may realize.

It’s not my place to give you any advice regarding timeline or what your next steps should be, although I will encourage you to cover every decision with prayer. If you seek the Lord’s will, He will make your path clear.

More often than not though, when I see these situations, they always take much longer than you would hope. So I also encourage you to wait patiently and pray for him as long as you are able. I strung my wife along for more than a year with my lies and controlling. Honestly, I’m surprised she stayed as long as she did. The sad part is, by the time the Lord humbled me and I began to truly find freedom from my sin, she was already gone.

That being said, sometime backing away is what it takes for a husband to recognize the seriousness of his situation. That doesn’t automatically mean divorce, but maybe a separation would be enough to wake him up. Just be careful there. Literally every time I’ve seen a couple separate, the enemy comes in with some new guy or girl who looks like the perfect person for you in an effort to take your mind off of reconciliation. So guard yourself if you feel led in that direction, and be prepared for your husband to possibly (but hopefully not) use the separation as an excuse to move on himself.

Either way, keep watching him and asking the Lord to show you how He’s working in your husband. You may not be able to trust your husband for a long time, but perhaps you will be able to trust God working within him.

I do wish you and your husband the best. I will be praying for you both. If he ever does become open to addressing the issues in his life, feel free to have him contact me. I’d love to talk with him when he’s ready.


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