If you’ve seen the movie City Slickers, you will no doubt remember the scene where Curly, the old weathered trail boss, is talking to Mitch, a fresh-off-the-bus city boy wondering what the heck he’s doing on the back of a horse out in the middle of nowhere.
Curly looks over to Mitch and asks him: “Do you know what the secret of life is?” He immediately holds up his index finger. “One thing. Just one thing. You stick to that and the rest don’t mean $h!%.”
Mitch proceeds to ask him the obvious question: “So, what’s the ‘One Thing?'”
“That,” Curly responds, “Is what you have to find out.”
When it comes to finding freedom from porn addiction, we often approach it the same way. We look for an easy answer—a one-size-fits-all solution—that will work for everyone, every time, without fail.
We want to know the “One Thing,” but that’s typically not the way God works.
Just look at the way Jesus healed the various blind men He encountered throughout the Gospels:
- Jesus spat in the mud and rubbed it in the eyes of one man (John 9).
- He placed His hands on two men and they were instantly healed (Matthew 9:27-34).
- He put His hands on a different man, but this man’s healing took place in stages rather than all at once (Mark 8:22-26).
There doesn’t seem to be any consistent pattern.
Why doesn’t God give us a step-by-step path to follow?
If you’re looking for “one step” to freedom, “one behavior” you need to change, or “one thing” you need to do to stop looking at porn, you simply won’t find that in the Bible.
I don’t think this is because God is holding out on us though. I believe it’s because God is more interested in your heart than in your actions.
David understood this heart-focus when He wrote about his “One Thing”:
The one thing I ask of the Lord—
the thing I seek most—
is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
delighting in the Lord’s perfections
and meditating in his Temple.
The “One Thing” that mattered most in David’s life was to seek after the Lord, spending time meditating on His goodness, love, mercy, and grace. David knew the closer he drew to Jesus, the less he would desire sin (Tweet this!).
That was David’s “One Thing.” Perhaps it should be our “One Thing” as well.
What’s your “One Thing”?
Once you begin with the foundational first step of trusting the Lord enough to draw near to Him, the path to freedom will be different for everyone. God takes each one of us on our own unique journey so we will recognize our need to stay near to Him. Like a loving, less crotchety version of Curly, God wants us to follow Him closely on this cattle drive we call life.
But what are those next steps?
Often times, even though the steps are unique to everyone, they will be similar for many. That’s why I reached out a bunch of folks who’ve been walking this road of recovery for a long time and asked them all one simple question:
“What’s the one piece of advice you would give to someone struggling with porn addiction.”
I asked men and women, pastors and parents, people with huge influence, and some folks you’ve probably never even heard of before. Every one of their answers was unique, although you’ll hear some consistent themes throughout many of them.
As you watch these videos, I encourage you to not only listen to their advice, but to follow the links to their various ministries as well. Most of these folks offer tremendous content and resources that will be helpful to you as you walk down your own road to freedom.
I will be posting these videos every Wednesday for the next few months. Once a video is posted, the link to its page will become active. If you prefer not to keep checking back here, simply subscribe to the blog and you will be notified as soon as each new video goes live.
Randal runs the web-based ministry, churchandsex.com and is also involved with the organization Thank God for Sex
Founder of Sanctuary International and host of Pastor Bob Daily
Sexual Addictions Treatment Provider and the Clinical Director of LifeSTAR
Professor of theology at Western Seminary in Portland. He is a pastor to pastors with a heart for troubled people as well of co-author of four books.
Pastor of New Hope Fellowship, Director of New Hope Recovery Ministries, and author of the New Hope For Sexual Integrity recovery manual for men.
Author and founder of Intentional Warriors
Founder and President of Restoring the Soul, author of Surfing for God
Founder and director of Be Broken Ministries
Host of the Pornfree Radio podcast
Founder of Porn to Purity and host of the Top Tips For Sexual Purity podcast
Program coordinator for Pure Life Alliance and director of Pure Community for Be Broken Ministries
Moderator for the No Fap Christians community on reddit
Director of Mastering Life Ministries and host of Pure Passion TV
Educational Resource Manager for Covenant Eyes, and author of multiple e-books including Coming Clean, Your Brain on Porn, and When Your Child is Looking at Porn
Christian psycho-therapist, pastoral coach, and founder of Healing for the Soul
Founder of xxxChurch.com
Executive director and co-founder of the Nathan Project
Director of Faithful and True and author of Healing The Wounds of Sexual Addiction
Chief Ragamuffin, Founder, and CEO of Route1520, and the Executive Director of Undone Redone
Co-founder and writer for My Chains are Gone.
Director for Dirty Girls Ministries—a ministry that seeks to offer help, hope, and healing for women who struggle with pornography and sexual addition.
Pastor of Venture Community Church and host of the Newsworthy with Norsworthy Podcast
Pastor and co-author of the book “Go Small” with Craig Gross
Producer & Writer on the critically acclaimed film, “Rape for Profit” as well as his current film, “Hearts of Men”
Director of Grace Walk Recovery Ministries and author of multiple books on recovery, including Helping Others Overcome Addictions, which he co-authored with Steve McVey.
Founder and executive director of Dirty Girls Ministries (a ministry that seeks to offer help, hope, and healing for women who struggle with pornography and sexual addition), and the author of the book Dirty Girls Come Clean
Founder of Pure Desire Ministries International and author of the bestselling book, Pure Desire
X3Groups zone leader and blogger
Author of the book Ashamed No More: A Pastor’s Journey through Sex Addiction
Executive Director of Transformed Hearts Counseling Center and author of multiple books.
Host of the ASI247: Attitudes of Sexual Integrity podcast
Director of Faithful and True in Jacksonville, Florida.
Founder of Mighty Man Ministries
Blogger at xxxchurch.com and author of Feels Like Redemption
Outreach pastor and network director for X3Groups
Writer/Author/Marriage Life Coach/Doula
Licensed professional counselor, sex therapist, and recovery coach
Executive Director of Operation Integrity and author of the books Our Journey Home and When Lost Men Come Home (not for men only)
If you or someone you know would be interested in sharing your “One Thing,” please contact me to figure out the details.