My One Thing: Jason Pamer

“What’s the one piece of advice you would give
to someone struggling with porn addiction?”

Jason Pamer is the Producer & Writer on the critically acclaimed film, “Rape for Profit” as well as his current film — “Heart of Man.”

Connect with Jason:

Hearts of Men

Website: heartofmanmovie.com

Twitter: @heartofmanmovie

Unearthed

Website: www.unearthedpictures.org

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Check out all the “One Thing” video interviews here.


Transcript

Steve: Hey guys! Steve here with Belt of Truth Ministries. I’m on the line with Jason Pamer. Jason is the producer and writer on the critically acclaimed film Rape for Profit, as well as his current film, Hearts of Men, which is slated to be released in late 2015, early 2016. If you guys haven’t seen the trailer yet, it’s right below this video. So make sure you check that out. I’m really looking forward to seeing this movie. So Jason, thanks for joining us. What’s the one piece of advice you would give to somebody struggling with porn addiction?

Jason: Stephen, I don’t know if you’ve had this answer before, hopefully not, but I would recommend every guy read this book. A little cross-pollination right now. I’m serious man. I just got it recently and you and I were talking, kind of preproduction meeting for this call, about it’s not about the porn. And your book does a great job of getting to the lies that get underneath this issue of porn. I think if you think about it from a strategic enemy standpoint, if you can get all the money, all the resources, all the air time, all the books focused on an issue, then he has the ability to get around on the flanks and just destroy men with shame, and get them so focused on white knuckle and trying so hard in developing the 8, 10, 12 step program so that they don’t look porn again. And when they do relapse into porn, it heaps more shame on to them. It’s just this vicious cycle. I think he’s done a good job. Your book is one of the only books I’ve ever read that gets around the issue and gets more to the heart of it, which is what we’re going after the Hearts of Men. And I’m not here to promote the film, as much as I say to guys that “listen, you need to understand at the midst of the addiction there is this relentless thought of coming after you in the midst of it.” And one of the ways we’ve postured this is in the room when you’re looking at porn, a lot of think he’s got to be outside the room because he can’t possibly be in the room because he’s got to be too pissed off at us for relapsing again. And if he’s in the room, he’s probably in the room with his arms cross. There’s no way. He’s sitting next to us with his arm around us, and in fact he is and he’s whispering truth to us. And in those moments, he’s going “guys, I’ve got something so much better for you, so much more real, so much more textured, so much more vibrant.” And I think that’s really what he’s whispering to us. It’s not “I can’t believe you’re looking at porn again, Steven. I can’t believe, Jason, that you’re giving in again. What’d I tell you? Didn’t you not read my word? Did you not pray this morning when you got out of bed?” Those aren’t the things he’s saying to us. He’s going “I love you. You are my son. I’ve got a feast, a lavish feast prepared for you. I’ve got a woman that is going to take all of your energy, heart, mind, and soul to pursue, and that’s where your effort should be, is to go unearth this gem that I have prepared from the beginning, before the foundations of the world.” So I just think it is way more about the action towards something else than it is about the action against something. And that sounds kind of easy and fluffy and maybe it feels like it’s [03:08] issue, but I really do think that if we focus on “how do we defeat this thing?” We’re going at it the wrong way because it’s ultimately not the thing we have to defeat. Again, you get to that in the book. What do we need to defeat? What’s the lies? Because when I go binge on porn, relapsing on porn, if I trace back six hours preceding that event, I can look and go “what was the triggers? What got me there?” It wasn’t because I had just had a great meal with family and friends and my wife and I were really connecting, we had a great glass of merlot, and then all of a sudden I was like “man, I want to go relapse into porn.” That doesn’t happen. It comes from a number of different triggers. And for many of us, it starts very early on. And a lot of us it’s centered over father wound and we’re trying to go, it’s very complex and that’s why I do think there’s very few books I think or films that I would just push people toward because it gives you a really good comprehensive look. Your book does that.

Steve: Thank you, I appreciate that, and I really appreciate what you had to share because obviously you and I are kindred spirits in how we approach this. And you’re right, there’s a much deeper issue. Porn is just the symptom. That’s why I love what you guys are doing with your films, helping to just put a visual picture in people’s minds of what’s really going on below the surface. Thanks for your time, Jason. Tell people where they can find out more about what you’re doing online.

Jason: We just released a major piece of content, our first real piece of what the film’s going to look like. It’s a feature, it’s a 6-minute piece. If you go to unearthedpictures.org or heartsofmenmovie.com, those are the two places that we post content. You can find us on Facebook about those spots as well, Unearthed Pictures and Hearts of Men movie. And that will be areas where we post more content, more teasers, production spills, thoughts, interviews like this we’ll post there. Again, Steven keep doing what you’re doing man. I love it. I think it’s got the right behind it. I think the enemy is positioned against it because it’s starting to uncover, pull back the curtain on what really is happening back there.

Steve: Thank you again and I really appreciate your time. We’ll be sure to link to all that stuff in the show notes and can’t wait to see what you guys keep producing. Thanks again Jason.

Jason: Thanks for having me man.

Steve: Alright, see you.

Jason: Bye.

The “One Thing” You Need to Know to Get Free from Porn Addiction

If you’ve seen the movie City Slickers, you will no doubt remember the scene where Curly, the old weathered trail boss, is talking to Mitch, a fresh-off-the-bus city boy wondering what the heck he’s doing on the back of a horse out in the middle of nowhere.

Jack-Palance-City-SlickersCurly looks over to Mitch and asks him: “Do you know what the secret of life is?” He immediately holds up his index finger. “One thing. Just one thing. You stick to that and the rest don’t mean $h!%.”

Mitch proceeds to ask him the obvious question: “So, what’s the ‘One Thing?'”

“That,” Curly responds, “Is what you have to find out.”

When it comes to finding freedom from porn addiction, we often approach it the same way. We look for an easy answer—a one-size-fits-all solution—that will work for everyone, every time, without fail.

We want to know the “One Thing,” but that’s typically not the way God works.

Just look at the way Jesus healed the various blind men He encountered throughout the Gospels:

  • Jesus spat in the mud and rubbed it in the eyes of one man (John 9).
  • He placed His hands on two men and they were instantly healed (Matthew 9:27-34).
  • He put His hands on a different man, but this man’s healing took place in stages rather than all at once (Mark 8:22-26).

There doesn’t seem to be any consistent pattern.

Why doesn’t God give us a step-by-step path to follow? 

If you’re looking for “one step” to freedom, “one behavior” you need to change, or “one thing” you need to do to stop looking at porn, you simply won’t find that in the Bible.

I don’t think this is because God is holding out on us though. I believe it’s because God is more interested in your heart than in your actions.

David understood this heart-focus when He wrote about his “One Thing”:

The one thing I ask of the Lord—
the thing I seek most—
is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
delighting in the Lord’s perfections
and meditating in his Temple.
(Psalm 27:4)

The “One Thing” that mattered most in David’s life was to seek after the Lord, spending time meditating on His goodness, love, mercy, and grace. David knew the closer he drew to Jesus, the less he would desire sin (Tweet this!).

That was David’s “One Thing.” Perhaps it should be our “One Thing” as well.

What’s your “One Thing”?

Once you begin with the foundational first step of trusting the Lord enough to draw near to Him, the path to freedom will be different for everyone. God takes each one of us on our own unique journey so we will recognize our need to stay near to Him. Like a loving, less crotchety version of Curly, God wants us to follow Him closely on this cattle drive we call life.

But what are those next steps?

Often times, even though the steps are unique to everyone, they will be similar for many. That’s why I reached out a bunch of folks who’ve been walking this road of recovery for a long time and asked them all one simple question:

“What’s the one piece of advice you would give to someone struggling with porn addiction.”

I asked men and women, pastors and parents, people with huge influence, and some folks you’ve probably never even heard of before. Every one of their answers was unique, although you’ll hear some consistent themes throughout many of them.

As you watch these videos, I encourage you to not only listen to their advice, but to follow the links to their various ministries as well. Most of these folks offer tremendous content and resources that will be helpful to you as you walk down your own road to freedom.

I will be posting these videos every Wednesday for the next few months. Once a video is posted, the link to its page will become active. If you prefer not to keep checking back here, simply subscribe to the blog and you will be notified as soon as each new video goes live.

Randal Ajimine

Randal runs the web-based ministry, churchandsex.com and is also involved with the organization Thank God for Sex

Pastor Bob Beeman

Founder of Sanctuary International and host of Pastor Bob Daily

Forest Benedict

Sexual Addictions Treatment Provider and the Clinical Director of LifeSTAR

Gerry Breshears

Professor of theology at Western Seminary in Portland. He is a pastor to pastors with a heart for troubled people as well of co-author of four books.

Darrell Brazell 

Pastor of New Hope Fellowship, Director of New Hope Recovery Ministries, and author of the New Hope For Sexual Integrity recovery manual for men.

James Tarring Cordrey 

Author and founder of Intentional Warriors

Michael John Cusick

Founder and President of Restoring the Soul, author of Surfing for God

Jonathan Daugherty

Founder and director of Be Broken Ministries

Matt Dobschuetz

Host of the Pornfree Radio podcast

Jeff Fisher

Founder of Porn to Purity and host of the Top Tips For Sexual Purity podcast

John Fort

Program coordinator for Pure Life Alliance and director of Pure Community for Be Broken Ministries

Justin from NoFapChristians

Moderator for the No Fap Christians community on reddit

David Kyle Foster

Director of Mastering Life Ministries and host of Pure Passion TV

Luke Gilkerson

Educational Resource Manager for Covenant Eyes, and author of multiple e-books including Coming CleanYour Brain on Porn, and When Your Child is Looking at Porn

Jayson Graves

Christian psycho-therapist, pastoral coach, and founder of Healing for the Soul

Craig Gross

Founder of xxxChurch.com

Rick Kardos

Executive director and co-founder of the Nathan Project

Dr. Mark Laaser

Director of Faithful and True and author of Healing The Wounds of Sexual Addiction

Traylor Lovvorn

Chief Ragamuffin, Founder, and CEO of Route1520, and the Executive Director of Undone Redone

David Martin

Co-founder and writer for My Chains are Gone.

Jenny Miller

Director for Dirty Girls Ministries—a ministry that seeks to offer help, hope, and healing for women who struggle with pornography and sexual addition.

Luke Norseworthy

Pastor of Venture Community Church and host of the Newsworthy with Norsworthy Podcast

Adam Palmer

Pastor and co-author of the book “Go Small” with Craig Gross

Jason Pamer

Producer & Writer on the critically acclaimed film, “Rape for Profit” as well as his current film, “Hearts of Men”

Mike Quarles 

Director of Grace Walk Recovery Ministries and author of multiple books on recovery, including Helping Others Overcome Addictions, which he co-authored with Steve McVey.

Crystal Renaud

Founder and executive director of Dirty Girls Ministries (a ministry that seeks to offer help, hope, and healing for women who struggle with pornography and sexual addition), and the author of the book Dirty Girls Come Clean

Dr. Ted Roberts

Founder of Pure Desire Ministries International and author of the bestselling book, Pure Desire

Paul Robinson

X3Groups zone leader and blogger

Tom “T.C.” Ryan

Author of the book Ashamed No More: A Pastor’s Journey through Sex Addiction

Cory Schortzman

Executive Director of Transformed Hearts Counseling Center and author of multiple books.

Russ Shaw

Host of the ASI247: Attitudes of Sexual Integrity podcast

Jerry Sinclair 

Director of Faithful and True in Jacksonville, Florida.

Jon Snyder

Founder of Mighty Man Ministries

Seth Taylor

Blogger at xxxchurch.com and author of Feels Like Redemption

Carl Thomas

Outreach pastor and network director for X3Groups

Shellie R. Warren

Writer/Author/Marriage Life Coach/Doula

Michael Todd Wilson

Licensed professional counselor, sex therapist, and recovery coach

David Zailer

Executive Director of Operation Integrity and author of the books Our Journey Home and When Lost Men Come Home (not for men only)

If you or someone you know would be interested in sharing your “One Thing,” please contact me to figure out the details.

10 Lies Men Believe about Porn Preview

My One Thing: Steve Etner

“What’s the one piece of advice you would give
to someone struggling with porn addiction?”

Steve Etner is an Author, Speaker, Purity Coach

Steve EtnerConnect with Steve

Website: www.thepuritycoach.com

App: My Purity Coach

Facebook: www.facebook.com/manofpurity

Twitter: @PureManMin

Books

The Pure Man’s Devotional Guide: A Biblical Toolbox for Purity

Extreme Mind Makeover: How to Transform Sinful Thoughts and Patterns into God-Pleasing Habits

My One Thing: Cory Schortzman

“What’s the one piece of advice you would give
to someone struggling with porn addiction?”

Cory Schortzman is the Executive Director of Transformed Hearts Counseling Center and author of multiple books.

Connect with Cory

Website: transformedhearts.com

Facebook: www.facebook.com/transformedhearts

Twitter: @TransformedH

YouTube: www.youtube.com/user/transformedheartsctr

Email: [email protected]

Books

Out of the Darkness

Into the Light Series

Ashes to Beauty Series

301 Series

10 Lies Men Believe about Porn Preview


Check out all the “One Thing” video interviews here.


Transcript

Stephen: I’ve got Cory Schortzman on the line. Cory is the executive director of Transformed Hearts Counseling Center and the author of multiple books on recovery. Cory, what’s the one piece of advice that you would give to somebody struggling with porn addiction?

Cory: Thanks. Good afternoon, Stephen. A couple of main things I’d like to talk about as maybe kind of a typical… There’s always accountability, honesty, lying, these sorts of things that help men come out of pornography, and getting in groups. But the one thing that I don’t find a lot of people talking about is this addiction to being offended. I believe that underneath any and every addiction is an addiction to being offended. And I find this in my own recovery, my own sobriety. And what does this really mean? So these are people that generally to go and act out, underneath that is deeper issues of feeling hurt, real or imagined offences get us to a place to want to go medicate those feelings and emotions. I have a website. I do a lot of blogging and an offended test. The Anatomy of Peace, Leadership, Self-deception by The Arbinger Institute. These books have taken me beyond my 12-step program over the years and really identifying that it is true and God’s word, when in the last days, many will be offended. Many will be lovers of themselves. It goes on to say love will grow cold. As we know, lust takes… I like to define lust as taking fantasy, takes… Imagination is about giving to others. Love is about giving.

So they’re just some quick little tidbits here on what this assessment looks like. If you find yourself thinking and believing your qualities are better than others, or you find yourself thinking and believing that the qualities of others are worse than yours, you find yourself as judge, jury, and executioner. You think about getting even with those that have hurt you.

Number three, you’re quick to accuse, blame, and criticize others for your own problems, thoughts, and actions. Another one here, you find yourself unable to sleep and awaken at night, unable to fall back to sleep, having your racing thoughts and feeling disrespect that you’ve been done wrong. You’re easily angered and become defensive when you ask to change or are confronted about your behaviors. You believe that only if others change, then your relationships with them would be better.

Here’s another one: you allow your emotions to dictate how you act. Generally, typical things that I see… and there are several more of these as I’ve assessed. So if you explore five or more of these, you might have an addiction to being offended. And part of this assessment too is we hear a lot [inaudible – 03:49] parts [inaudible] is the lesser known. Everybody is familiar with sex addiction, but what’s lesser known is intimacy anorexia. And this is an intentional withholding of our hearts, feelings, and emotions with our spouse. And in my research, about 64 percent of the guys that come to our office are not only sex addicts but intimacy anorexics. So to do that assessment, I have also on our website. And it can be very helpful for the guy we’re trying to help. So if you’re a guy not finding much success, you’ve been in recovery for a while from your acting out, there might be a 6 out of 10 chance that you’re only dealing with half the addiction, and that is intimacy anorexia.

So if there’s one thing today, I guess there are two things I want to bring to the table, and that’s an addiction to being offended, which I believe is also underneath the anorexia addiction. So a lot of things. I don’t want people to feel overwhelmed like oh, I’ve got more stuff to work on. But we do want tools and information out there, so check out our website and the blog. I’ve been blogging now for over a year. We have some YouTube clips out there that can help get them started. Thanks, Stephen.

Stephen: Yeah, awesome. I think those are a couple of great resources. I encourage all the guys watching this to check out those assessments, fill them out, and just see. It’s amazing what you can learn from just answering some of those introspective questions. I know in my own journey that intimacy anorexia was something that I worked through with my counselor. And it’s not something that’s on a lot of guys’ radars. But once their eyes are open to it, then they recognize it in their life. And you can see how it really does play a big part in pornography addiction. So I’m glad you shared that, Cory.

Can you tell people where they can find out more about you and your ministry?

Cory: Yeah, absolutely. We are based in Colorado Springs, and we also have a satellite office in Denver. But surprisingly, most of our practice is by phone. So don’t let that limit you. Give us a call. Our website is transformedhearts.com. The phone number is 719-590-1350. We do free assessments. We have lots of books and resources, YouTube stuff, the blogs. We do 3-day and 5-day intensives. We do phone counseling groups. So really, at any point of entrance, depending on your budget and availability, we want to help you out. So give us a call and see how we can serve you. Thanks.

Stephen: Yeah, awesome. As always, all that information will be in the show notes. So if you guys didn’t catch all that watching, just scroll down below and you’ll see all those links. Cory, thanks again for your time, I love what you’re doing, and keep up the great work.

Cory: Thanks Stephen, be blessed.

Stephen: See you.

Cory: Bye.

My One Thing: Jerry Sinclair

“What’s the one piece of advice you would give
to someone struggling with porn addiction?”

Jerry Sinclair is the director of Faithful and True in Jacksonville, Florida.

Connect with Jerry

Website: www.904true.org

Hotline: 904-443-0246

10 Lies Men Believe about Porn Preview


Check out all the “One Thing” video interviews here.


Transcript

Stephen: Hi guys. Steve here with Belt of Truth Ministries. I’ve got Jerry Sinclair on the line. Jerry is from Faithful and True down in Jacksonville, Florida. Jerry, what’s the one piece of advice that you would give to somebody struggling with porn addiction?

Jerry: Well, Steve, it’s something that I think is a little surprising to some, but I want to share it with anybody that’s hearing this message – whether it be the porn addict, the sex addict, the adulterer, or the victim, the wife of someone. And that is there is no magical cure. But what advice I would say is that there is no real answer to sexual sin, no single one. I know you’ve had a lot of interviews over the last several weeks, months. But it’s a fact that the word magic really does not appear in the scripture as a single word. It’s always a part of a word, part of the word mystic or mystical or magical. The truth is that we are not immune to sexual temptation. Now probably 85 percent of the population has no problem with it. They deal with it. They have a struggle. They see something that may or may not trigger them. They deal with it, handle it, and then move on. They’re not addicted to it.

But for the true porn addict, for the sex addict, for the one who struggles, I want to give you some hope, and that is don’t look for the magical cure. Don’t look for the word deliverance even in the vocabulary. The word deliverance is overused in our post-modern biblical word. But it’s more of a word that deals more with pain, with sickness, and also with captivity. But the word deliverance has very little to do with sin or temptation. I’ll quote scripture that I think would be very appropriate here. Hebrews 11:35b says, “And others were tortured but did not accept deliverance, that they might obtain a better resurrection.” James 1:12 says, “Blessed is the man that endureth temptation, for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised him that love him.” 1st Peter 1:6 says, “Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations.” 2nd Corinthians 10:5 is the one that’s really used a lot in scriptures. It says, “Casting down imaginations (or fantasies), and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.”

I think one of the things that we have to remember about captivity is we think about world wars, conflicts between nations. When they take someone captive, they’re smart enough to really tell their captives they don’t want to shoot them. They don’t want to put them on a firing squad. They want to interrogate them. And I really encourage anyone that’s struggling with sexual sin to take their thoughts captive and then find out what is it your soul is really trying to tell you. What are you trying to obtain? What is it that you really want as a goal? Now the average sex addict, the guy out there in the street, might say, “Well, I’ve just got this huge sexual need, and I’ve got to get it fulfilled.” I would say the apostle Paul deals with that very, very distinctly. When he talks about those that are single [inaudible – 03:32] so that you get closer to the Lord. And then if you must [inaudible] anyway [inaudible]. But then, all of a sudden, your attention is going to be focused to your spouse, not as much to the Lord. So there is always an outlet. There is always a release. There is always a place for someone to go. And that’s why I like Psalm 9:9, “The Lord will always be a refuge for the depressed, a refuge in the times of trouble.” [inaudible – 03:59] scripture though that I want to really encourage people with, and that’s Proverbs 11:14 where the scripture says, “Where there is no counsel, the people fall. But in the multitude of counselors there is safety.” I think many people that watch videos like yours and read on that line and try to pray their way out of this by themselves are really going down the false pathway that leads to destruction, the pathway of fall, because the pathway of fall is which you don’t go down by yourself. But getting amongst other men that struggle with the same problem, if you’re a woman watching this and you struggle with pornography, getting around other women that struggle with this is also important. Now I realize that’s not always easy, but that’s really what you need to do. People in the church don’t always understand this. They really kind of avoid it. And church has been known for that for generations. But even in today’s enlightened world, it’s still an uncomfortable topic for many people. But if you get around people who are struggling the same way as you are that have maybe been down the path, the journey of recovery a little bit longer, they’re going to offer you a lot more wisdom than you doing it by yourself.

And finally, I compare this to try and play basketball against LeBron James. If you try to play basketball with LeBron James one-on-one, you’re going to get stuffed every time. You won’t get a shot off. He’ll score 20 points, game over. But if you’ve got four of your buddies that were also in recovery, struggling with the same thing you’re struggling, and LeBron James [inaudible – 05:27] and try to play 5 on 1 against LeBron James, you’ll get some victories. You’ll get some shots off. Your buddy gets some buckets. [inaudible] the final victory [inaudible]. There has really been no cure for this. There’s no magic bullet. There’s no shot we could take [inaudible]. It’s just a constant daily practice of doing the right things and eliminating the wrong things. And that’s kind of what I like to share with guys. Remember, there is no magic bullet, no magical cure. There’s no one answer. It’s just constant daily practice of doing the right things and eliminating the bad things in our lives.

Stephen: Great. A lot of great points there. I love what you had to say about taking thoughts captive and that analogy that when prisoners are taken in war, you don’t shoot them; you interrogate them. And that’s exactly what we need to do with our thoughts and figure out what is the desire underneath the desire? What’s driving you to the pornography? When you start dealing with that, you’re going to have a lot more progress in moving towards freedom than if you’re just constantly trying to eliminate desires or things like that.

Jerry: That’s an important word, progress [inaudible – 06:38] we look for. God is [inaudible]. So we don’t have to seek perfection. All we have to do is make progress and let God kind of take some of the things and take the pressure off of us. If we allow God to do that, I think we’re going to see a lot more freedom and a lot less [inaudible].

Stephen: Absolutely. Well, Jerry, can you tell people where they can find out more about you online?

Jerry: Our website is 904true.org. I encourage people to go there. You’ll find some information about us and some contact information as well. If they want to contact me directly, our hotline 24 hours a day is on a recording machine. That number is 904-443-0246. People can call us, contact us, especially if you live in the Northeast Florida area or you know someone that’s struggling with this. Even if you live outside the area, I have a lot of resources and friends and contacts in the various parts of the United States, in Canada, that would love to be able to connect you with someone that might be able to help you down this journey if you’re all alone.

Stephen: Great. Well, thanks for all that you’re doing and for putting yourself out there to help other people. I appreciate what you’re doing in the kingdom. So thanks again for your time, Jerry.

Jerry: Thank you, Stephen.

Stephen:  See you.

My One Thing: Gerry Breshears

“What’s the one piece of advice you would give
to someone struggling with porn addiction?”

Gerry Breshears is a professor of theology at Western Seminary in Portland. He is a pastor to pastors with a heart for troubled people as well of co-author of four books.

Connect with Gerry

Website: www.breshears.net

Website: www.WesternSeminary.edu

Twitter: @gbreshears

10 Lies Men Believe about Porn Preview


Check out all the “One Thing” video interviews here.


Transcript

Stephen: Hi guys. Steve here with Belt of Truth Ministries. I’m on the line with Gerry Breshears. Gerry is a professor of theology at Western Seminary in Portland, Oregon. He’s a pastor to pastors with a heart for troubled people, as well as a co-author of four books. So, Gerry, thanks for joining us today. What’s the one piece of advice that you would give to somebody struggling with porn addiction?

Gerry: Well, it’s a very real struggle. There are a couple of things that make me think here. One is the understanding that Jesus is completely committed to the idea of helping us move toward faithfulness. So there’s basically pistus, which is faith or pure, and porneo, which is defiled sexual activity of all different kinds. His goal is to move us toward pistus, toward faithfulness, toward wholeness, toward purity. And frankly, it feels really good.

When I’m working with guys – and not just guys, women too – who are struggling with pornography and just the compulsiveness that that ties into, one of the things I try to remember is if you had a powerful regenerating work of the Holy Spirit, if you’ve gotten that new heart that comes through the work of the Holy Spirit, your deepest desires are for cleanliness. And as much as the desire is to get back into the porn because it provides a short-term thrill… It takes away the tension briefly. It really does give you a relief to do porn stuff. But then it’s like diving in a cesspool. You get dirty. So one of the things I try to think through is remembering that Jesus wants to help us move toward purity, toward cleanliness. And if you’ve got that new heart cleanliness feels good. And [inaudible – 02:07] easy to get there. But here’s what I try to think through: I am going to be most happy when I am pure because my desires are to be like Jesus, to be pure, to be pistus. So what I ask people when the wave comes and it feels like, “Man, I’ve just got to do it. I can’t live without it,” almost, is to stop and think. And that actually takes a bit to stop and think, prayer, got to Jesus, remembering that he wants to help, if possible, community, text a friend. Don’t do it by yourself. Satan’s agenda is to disconnect you from God [inaudible – 02:51], disconnect you from friends. They’ll laugh at you. And then when you’re connecting with Jesus, is then stop and think what will make me most happy, because my belief is that because Jesus helps us because you have that new heart, because you have the power of the Holy Spirit, that if we stop and think [inaudible – 03:14], in community and do what will make me most deeply happy, I’ll almost always do the right thing. But the porn thing is I’ve got to have it, have it right now. And you don’t connect with Jesus. You don’t connect with the community. You think what will get me through the next few minutes. And you dive in a cesspool. And I don’t want people to have to deal with a dirty cesspool. Jesus wants you to be clean. He wants you to be pistus. He wants you to be pure. And he will help. And with the power of Jesus, [inaudible – 03:45] desires of my new heart. There’s a lot of freedom [inaudible]. That’s my primary advice.

Stephen: Yeah, that’s awesome. I couldn’t have said it better myself. Thank you for sharing that.

Gerry: [crosstalk – 03:58] better if you to go Titus, chapter 3, verses 3 through 8. You’ll find a lot of those [inaudible] talking about.

Stephen: Awesome, yeah, I would encourage anyone watching to check that out, Titus, chapter 3. Gerry, where can people find out more about you and your ministry?

Gerry: Well, I’m pretty active on Facebook. I started a couple of brewhahas here lately with some theological questions. And we have some pretty active dialogs going on there. I work on Western Seminary. We’ve got on active website here at Western. And a long email, [email protected]. And I love to help people find purity.

Stephen: Awesome. We’ll put all that information in the show notes. Thank you again for your time. I love what you’re doing. Any chance I get to hear you talk, I’m always there because I just love your heart and the way you communicate what sometimes can be hard truths for people to get. I just think you’ve got a real gift of communicating them in caring and easy to understand ways, which is getting more and more rare these days, unfortunately.

Gerry: Yeah, I’ve given your book to a lot of different people, Steve, thanks.

Stephen: Oh, thank you. I appreciate your time. And thanks again, Gerry.

Gerry: God bless.

My One Thing: David Martin

“What’s the one piece of advice you would give
to someone struggling with porn addiction?”

David Martin is the co-founder and writer for My Chains are Gone.

Connect with David

Website: http://mychainsaregone.org

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/My-Chains-Are-Gone

Twitter: @MyChainsAreGon

Article: The Chain

Sermon: The Incarnation, Scene One

Article: A Dangerous Male Myth

10 Lies Men Believe about Porn Preview


Check out all the “One Thing” video interviews here.


Transcript

Steve: Hey, guys! Steve here with Belt of Truth Ministries. I’ve got David Martin on the line. David is the co-founder and writer for Mychainsaregone.org. David, thanks for joining us today!

David: It’s good to be with you, Steve. Thanks.

Steve: So what’s the one piece of advice that you would give to somebody struggling with porn?

David: Wow, trying to keep me down to one piece. I’m not sure I can keep it there. I’ve got a concept but it’s got multiple facets to it so you might think that when I get done, I’m giving you more than one thing. But, oh well, hopefully, that’ll be hopeful. The one thing, the overarching thing that people need to know is that their struggle against porn is not a strategy problem, it’s a truth problem. When God set me free from my struggle with porn, I wasn’t even fighting it very hard at that time. Even though I was in pastoral ministry, I decided that the best I could really hope for was not too much, not too often. But then I began studying the bible to discern God’s view of the human form, the human body. And I came to some very different beliefs than I’ve had before. When I began to live in harmony with those biblically accurate beliefs, even the desire for porn melted out of my life and I was pretty surprised. And I had to find out what had happened to me and why because that sort of instantaneous freedom, delivery from porn is something that no strategy for porn you hear about today offers really any hope for. My search led me to John 8:32 where Jesus said, “You will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” Now these were Jesus’ words and we see from the context that the freedom He’s talking about is freedom from sin, the slavery to sin. But notice what Jesus does not say. He doesn’t say the truth will point you towards freedom or the truth will give you the desire to be free or the truth will motivate you to be free, or the truth will give you the willpower to be free, or what often happens on porn support boards and what-not is you’ll see that He didn’t say the truth will redefine freedom to match your experience. He said it would make you free. The inescapable conclusion is that we are not free. We don’t yet know the truth. So that’s why I say that the bondage to porn is not a strategy problem but rather a truth problem. So therefore, the correct, the only correct strategy against porn addiction is one thing and one thing only. You identify the lies that you believe, replace the lies with the truth, and then most importantly, you live as if the truth is true instead of living as if the lie is true. Jesus said in Matthew 7:24, He said, “Everyone who hears these words of mine and acts on them may be compared to a wise man who built his house on a rock.” Jesus’ words are truth but to benefit from them, we must act on them. We must live as if His words really are true. We must allow the truth to impact how we live, the decisions we make moment by moment, day by day, how we think moment by moment, day by day. Then when we put His truth into action, then we’ll be set free as John 8:32 promises. And this is why I really appreciate the approach of your book which I just dropped. Here it is so you can see it, 10 Lies Men Believe About Porn, because that’s really what it’s all about. We have to recognize the lies, we have to replace them with the truth, and then live as if the truth is true. Think as if the truth is true, make decisions in our life as if the truth is true. Determine our strategies for life, our patterns for life based upon the truth, not on the lie. And that’s when we’ll experience the freedom Jesus promises. But let me share with your viewers what I believe is the biggest lie that both men and women believe not about porn but about men. There’s a huge lie that men believe about themselves that I believe unless they reject it and live actively contrary to it, they won’t ever really realize the kind of freedom that God really desires for them and it is this. This might be a shocker for some of you. The lie is that God made men to be automatically sexually aroused at the simple sight of an unclothed female body or male body. Let me say that again. It’s a lie that God made men to automatically be sexually aroused at the simple sight of the unclothed human form. The truth is that God made men and women to be aroused sexually by relationship. He made us all relational. That is His intent. The visual arousal notion is a lie. It’s not God’s will for men and it’s not how God made us. It’s not normal, it’s not good. God is relational and He is motivated to love and unite with us because He has a relationship with us. Not because of how we look, we’re called to love as God loves. And the truth behind that is that God made both men and women’s bodies to be self portraits of Himself. We’re made in God’s image therefore the appropriate and most important response to seeing the human form is praise and awe for the One who so artistically stamped His own likeness there. Instead, our culture and sadly, the church consider the sight of the human form to be a sexual experience. Rather than acknowledging the glory of God, we assess the sight by its impact on the human libido. And to be sure, generations of men have been conditioned into visual arousal response. Well quite frankly, the pornography industry right now is trying desperately so that women will be aroused by visual response as well. But make no mistakes. It’s only conditioning. And that which can be conditioned can be unconditioned. This is why the bible never tells a man what he may and may not see of a woman’s body. Ain’t that a strange omission if that’s what God intended for us? You see what we see is not the problem, it’s how we see it. I like to put it this way. We sinfully view the human form because we have a sinful view of the human form. And the tragic reality is that most if not all of the strategies that are promoted in the church to combat porn addiction are based upon the assumption that the visual lie is actually true. And no strategy that affirms that lie will ever deliver anyone from the bondage empowered by that lie. And that, I believe, is why the success rates of all those strategies are so abysmally low. I know I’ve said some very strong and perhaps surprising things in this interview but given the epidemic of porn addiction even within the church, isn’t it time we reexamine some of the things we’ve been believing so unquestionably for so long? Let me summarize my one thing with a two-part declaration. First of all, bondage to sin, any sin quite frankly is not a strategy problem. It’s a truth problem. And God intend for men, all of us, men and women, to find sexual arousal relationally, not visually. If what I’ve declared in that second part sounds so unrealistic as to be laughable, let me remind you of a quote by Dresden James that I think is worth pondering. He said this, “When a well-packaged web of lies have been sold gradually to the masses over generations, the truth will seem utterly preposterous and its speaker and raving lunatic.” Well guess what? I am not lunatic but what I proclaim is truth and it’s the truth that set me free. And I really hope and pray that all your viewers will experience that same freedom.

Steve: When you were sharing that, your lie there, the first thing that I thought of was, I remember back to when I was in college. I was an art major and I had to take figure drawing. And I remember at that point I was very much addicted to pornography but I remember that even when we had attractive nude models in class, I was surprised that I was not aroused by them. And that was the first time that I remember questioning whether or not that is an automatic response. Over the years, I found with myself that a lot of, for me, my addiction to pornography, a lot of that wasn’t driven from a, I mean it wasn’t ultimately driven from a desire to see naked women. It was driven by a desire to see the women photographed in a way where it implied that they desired me. So my lust of them was not strictly over their body. A lot of it was over their desire, if that makes sense.

David: If you read Proverbs 7, you’ll see there it talks about the woman who’s the adulteress. She goes out into the street and everything about how she tries to seduce young men is all about relationship. And the pornography industry knows this too because they don’t just show you pictures. They show you pictures of women with this come-hither look. And they also list, a lot of them, they list this is what this gal likes. And the guy, he’s going to be reading that, what she likes and what she doesn’t like, and he’s going to think to himself, “She would like me.” And there’s that pornography is trying to capitalize on that relationship component even while it’s selling the lie that it’s all visual.

Steve: Right. And if you believe that lie that it’s all visual, the chances of you finding healing are so much less because you’re not actually dealing with the root cause of what you’re after there.

David: That’s right. You’re fighting the wrong battle. You’re trying to say, “Hey, I should not find this to be attractive.” Yes, you should. God made it attractive. It’s His image. And we start fighting the wrong battle because we say, “Oh, I shouldn’t want to look. I shouldn’t want to see that.” But then we give in and we look and we believe that looking will automatically result in lust, and therefore, we don’t even fight the lust response. We’re literally fighting the wrong battle. In fact, that’s one of the titles of my article, The Right Battle, on our website. And so that’s great to hear what you said about that because what you experienced in that art class was you experienced the truth. And it wasn’t trumped up and built up in the way our culture has conditioned so many people, so many men for many generations to think this is what your response is supposed to be. Imagine if a man does not have that response. What will he do if it’s only through relationship that he finds his arousal? What will he do when he starts sensing the need and the desire in his body to express himself sexually? Well, if the sight of some other woman doesn’t do it, where is he going to go? He’s going to go right back to his wife because she’s the only one with whom he has that sort of relationship. And doesn’t that sound like that would be in keeping with God’s design? I think so.

Steve: Thanks for sharing all that. Tell people where they can find out more about your ministry and all that.

David: Well, several other pastors and I, a number of years ago, who we were set free similarly. And we’re like “What happened?” and God brought us together and we knew that we had similar understanding, similar experience, and similar perspective. And we said, “We got to get this message out” and so we developed a site called Mychainsaregone.org. And you might want to, the readers might want to, read this story called The Chain. It was the story I wrote, it’s an allegory, about how God set me free. And it was written out of gratitude for God that kind of became the metaphor for saying my chains are gone as a website. And there’s a whole series of articles. We encourage people to read them in order. We find a lot of times, they’re so radically different in a way people are thinking that they need to read them multiple times. But we find when people really get it and they really understand it, they are set free. And it’s not a strategy site. It’s not an accountability site. It’s a site about the truth and that’s enough, so I encourage people to read that. I’m going to give you a link to a message I gave called The Incarnation Scene 1 which I think gives a lot of theological background for the kind of things that I’ve talked about today. And then there is a pamphlet that one of the other authors, David Hatton, wrote called The Dangerous Meal Myth. And this is about that whole visual myth. He’s put it in a form, a downloadable PDF that’s printable. And you can distribute it to people and you can look it over and talk about it. So I’m going to give you that link as well. So I hope people come to the site and read through the articles and really prayerfully seek to say, “God, what are the truths that I’ve not been seeing and understanding? What are the lies that I have been believing? And help me make that switch.”

Steve: Awesome! Yeah, we will definitely add all those links in the show notes. Sounds like you got a lot of great resources for people to check out. Thank you for your generosity. And then just for your time for doing this.

David: Hey, it’s a real privilege and I’m just really thankful for the opportunity to do this. This is the calling of my life and to be able to share it like this, to reach more people, it’s God’s doing and I’m just so thankful.

Steve: Okay, well, all five of the people that read my blog will love it. Okay.

David: Well thanks so much, Steve!

Steve: Yeah. Thanks again, David!

My One Thing: Seth Alan Taylor

“What’s the one piece of advice you would give
to someone struggling with porn addiction?”

Seth Alan Taylor is a blogger at xxxchurch and the author of Feels Like Redemption.

Seth Alan TaylorConnect with Seth

Website: www.sethalantaylor.com

Book: mypilgrimage.com

Blog: www.xxxchurch.com/author/seth-taylor

Twitter: @sethtaylor40

10 Lies Men Believe about Porn Preview


Check out all the “One Thing” video interviews here.


Transcript

Stephen: Hi guys. Steve here with Belt of Truth. I’ve got Seth Taylor on the line. Seth is a blogger at XXXChurch and author of the soon to come out ‘Feels Like Redemption’. I’m about halfway through the book right now, and it’s awesome. So I am excited for it. And at the end here, Seth will tell you where to find it. But before we get to that, Seth, I just want to ask you what’s the one piece of advice you would give to somebody struggling with porn addiction?

Seth: I think that it has to do with this kind of central core question. I think everybody that’s dealing with pornography addiction or any type of addiction or depression or anxiety has this basic question they’re asking. Some people were asking why me. And some people were asking this question about what does God want from me. And they have this kind of paradigm of God, especially those of us in the Christian church that have dealt with this stuff or are dealing with it. I think it’s a matter of changing that central question. And this might’ve been something I know you and Paul talked, the idea of what are we medicating.

If we can shift to this understanding that porn isn’t the problem… Porn is this reality that exists because we created it and that industry exists because we created it. We demanded it. It was birthed out of our own pain. And we created this drug to medicate our pain. So it’s the medication. So the question is what are we medicating. And I think that if we come to this point where we can stop viewing the external world as the issue and we start to go internal, I believe this is when Jesus said, “We seek the kingdom of God.” And then everything will come to us. This idea. And he said, “The kingdom of God is within you.” It’s all around us. It’s over us, in us, through us, and it’s in us. I think if we come to this point where we start to seek that idea, we feel that what’s going on the side. Even to this point where we go, “Man, for some reason, I’ve always got these knocks in my stomach,” or, “I’ve got this tightness in my chest.” And we start to recognize that there is a repressed energy in our bodies. There are repressed emotions. There’s pain, essentially, that we are caring and we have been caring for a long time. And it lives in our unconscious. And we medicate that over and over and over again. There’s something inside of us that is demanding that drug. And some people medicate with other things.

I’ve got a buddy. I wrote about this in the book. He medicates with… his big thing is to chew tobacco. He had issues. Wife caught him looking at porn, and she freaked out. And she got really upset with him. And she had this whole kind of blowup. And he and I were talking. And he goes, “The thing is, it was easy for me to quit that. Once she nailed me on that, I was like I’ve got to stop that.” And he stopped. But he said, “I can’t stop chewing. But she’s never asked me to stop chew.” And he started to adopt this paradigm, what am I medicating? And he realized chew is the thing he’s really medicating with. So [inaudible – 02:50] porn is like that, but he can’t quit chewing. I was talking about it the other day [inaudible]. And we have these socially acceptable drugs, right? We have these things that everybody is okay with, but porn isn’t. And that’s kind of the way we understand it. So I just think that if we ask that question what are we medicating and we’re willing to dive into that, I think that that actually can lead us to a really, really life-giving place. All the guilt and the shame is just something not helpful. So I would tell people. And I have. I’ve sat across with people and said, “Listen, hey, all this guilt and shame that you have and really feeling terrible about this, while you’re working on this, let’s take a vacation from that. Just stop. Don’t worry about it. You’re going to mess up through this process. It’s okay. Let’s ask the real question. Let’s get past this and ask the real question. Stop viewing yourself through such a judgmental lens. And when you do that, I think it actually can really kind of flip this whole thing on its head, as the philosophers would say, and turn it into something where it’s a productive [inaudible – 03:48] asking the right questions. Does that make sense?

Stephen: Yeah, I think that’s great advice. I couldn’t agree more. I think that’s key. Thanks for sharing that with us. Tell people where can they find out more about you and your ministry and your books and all that.

Seth: I was blogging. I used to blog at a site. It’s still up. It’s called pornpilgrim.com. and I’ve got a bunch of old blogs on there. I started blogging with xxxchurch.com, and that’s where you can find my stuff right now. I’ve probably posted 8 to 10 logs on there now. And we are actually working on new sites. If you go to mypilgrimage.com… because the subtitle of the book is the pilgrimage to help and healing. And what we’re trying to do is give people this paradigm that walking through this is not a battle. It’s not a war. It’s actually a sacred journey. So pilgrimage. And it’s something that can really lead to amazing things. So mypilgrimage.com. We have a trailer for the book up there. And it’s a placeholder where you can sign up for free preview of the video series that we’re going to launch. We have a guide book that’s going to be coming out. So just in a few months, we’re going to see all this material launching. And hopefully, we’re going to help a lot of people. So mypilgrimage.com is a place to go for that. And you can find my writing in xxxchurch.com.

Stephen: Right on. And guys, all those links will be in the show notes for this video as well as in the video description. So you don’t have to remember all that. So Seth, thanks again for your time. And good luck with the ministry. Thanks for all that you’re doing for the kingdom.

Seth: Yeah, I appreciate that, Stephen. Thanks.

My One Thing: Jeff Fisher

“What’s the one piece of advice you would give
to someone struggling with porn addiction?”

Jeff Fisher is the founder of Puritycoaching.com, PorntoPurity.com, and host of the Top Tips For Sexual Purity podcast.

Connect with Jeff

Website:  PorntoPurity.com

Podcast:  Top Tips For Sexual Purity Podcast

10 Lies Men Believe about Porn Preview


Check out all the “One Thing” video interviews here.


Transcript

Steve: Hey, guys! Steve here with Belt of Truth Ministries. I’ve got Jeff Fisher on the line. Jeff is the founder of Puritycoaching.com, Porntopurity.com, and he also hosts the Top Tips for Sexual Purity podcast which you can find on iTunes. So Jeff, let me go ahead and ask you what’s the one piece of advice that you would give to somebody struggling with porn addiction?

Jeff: Hey, Steven! Glad to be on your show and everybody out there. I think one of the biggest tips that I’ve learned in the process is that we need to keep coming out of isolation. There’s an initial coming out of isolation where I share my secret story, I share the things that I’ve been hiding and covering up for so long. That initial share is one of the hardest things to get over but finding somebody safe, finding an old friend, maybe paying to go to somebody who’s confidential like a counselor, or even setting an appointment with the minister, finding somebody where you can break the ice. Once you break the ice and start to talk about the struggles within in regards to your sexual purity, then it’s like God is just there and it’s this freeing up feeling and this fountain of relief. And it’s hard to describe that I can finally talk to somebody openly about what’s going on. It’s still scary and it still takes a lot of courage but that initial share, and maybe I haven’t talked about it in a long time or I haven’t talked about really the deeper things, and that’s what I mean is going to those levels where you’re breaking the isolation and you’re sharing. But you know the tip is to keep doing that. We who are in recovery from our sexual struggles have to keep doing that on a regular basis. It gets easier as we work through the pain and the difficult things. And people are good for it. Then I feel comfortable to share more and build trust. I think sometimes that I need to go to somebody like you, Steven, or somebody like our ministry, or another ministry that is equipped and is used to hearing people’s struggles. Sometimes, we can do enough work on the front end to find a minister or a counselor who is used to talking to people about their sexual struggles but I think that is one of the benefits of ministries like ours. We’re automatic safe people that we’re not going to flinch. It’s not that we’ve heard it all but we’ve heard a whole lot. And everybody thinks that their story is unique and the worst. And it’s not, it’s very common but we just are not around people that talk about it to know that our struggle is a common thing. And sometimes, the depths and widths of our struggle might be more unique but just the core of our struggle. For seven years ago was when the stuff hit the fan for me. I got caught, I got exposed and I was kind of forced out but then I had to still make a decision to keep sharing. So admitting that I had looked at bad stuff on the computer was one thing but then to keep sharing and keep opening up, that’s where God started to bless and that’s where I started to find the healing that I needed from the Lord.

Steve: I think that’s great advice. We have heard of that as walking in the light. And I know that was hugely important when I started recovery. It was just getting comfortable sharing my story and…

Jeff: Yeah.

Steve: Yeah. I couldn’t agree with you more so thanks for sharing that, Jeff. Tell people where they can find you online.

Jeff: Yeah, sure. My wife and I, Marcia and I, we started Porntopurity.com about seven years ago, just as a way to blog about our struggles and then it started to turn into a podcast and so I started a podcast called Top Tips for Sexual Purity and you could find that on iTunes. That’s the best place to search for it. There’s a huge catalogue, huge back catalogue of episodes. So download whatever ones that you feel are good for you. And then our latest website is called Puritycoaching.com and that’s where we offer our support groups, offer a unique thing called Accountability jumpstart where I can help you get started in you accountability for 1, 2, or 3 months. I can be your accountability partner. And then there’s regular coaching where there’s a more comprehensive in-depth help to build your purity strategy so that it goes for the long-term.

Steve: Okay. We will be sure to link to all that in the show notes. Thanks again for your time, Jeff. I really appreciate it. And we’ll keep in touch.

Jeff: Yeah, thanks a lot!

Steve: Okay, see you!

My One Thing: Randal Ajimine

“What’s the one piece of advice you would give
to someone struggling with porn addiction?”

Randal Ajimine runs the web-based ministry, churchandsex.com and is also involved with the organization Thank God for Sex.

Connect with Randall

Website: ChurchAndSex.com

Website: ThankGodForSex.org

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/churchandsex808

Twitter: @churchandsex

10 Lies Men Believe about Porn Preview


Check out all the “One Thing” video interviews here.


Transcript

Steve: Hey, guys! Steve here with Belt of Truth Ministries and I’ve got Randall Ajimine on the line. And Randall runs the web-based ministry, Churchandsex.com, and he’s also involved in the organization, Thank God for Sex. I met Randall. He’s a fellow contributor with XXXchurch.com so I’m aware of his ministry through that. And Randall is graciously jumping on the line with us today to answer the question, “What’s the one piece of advice that you would give to someone struggling with porn addiction?”

Randall: Sure. I think my one piece of advice would be to be very gracious to yourself. I think one of the things that keeps people trapped in any kind of addiction and porn addiction is definitely one of them, is a kind of shame cycle where they might try to abstain from whatever they’re addicted to but then go back into it and then get kind of this shame cycle where it’s like “Oh my God! I’m no good. I suck. I can’t do this,” and then that might lead to another kind of bingeing round where they stop. But what this shame cycle keeps them from doing is getting underneath the activity that they’re trying to be free from because usually, any kind of addiction is kind of used to cover over some deeper thing that’s happening in their life and so. And the other organization that I’m involved with, Thank God for Sex, it’s kind of dedicated to helping heal Christians and even helped the church kind of talk and deal with the issue of religious sexual shame. I think the church can unfortunately be unhelpful in the realm of sex and sexuality. In some of the ways that it teaches around this area can lead to a lot of guilt and shame kind of feelings. And again, that keeps Christians and other people, but Christians from getting underneath whatever the addition is. And if you never really get to the root cause of what issue is this addiction covering over, if you never get to what’s underneath that, then it’s I think it’s always going to be this thing that keeps cycling through or even worse. Even if you are able to kind of move past a porn addiction, again, if you’re not getting through the underlining issue, it’ll move to another addiction, sometimes, anyway, yeah. So the only way out of this whole shame spiral is to really accept yourself as you are, to say, “I am looking at these sites” and to not get super judgy on yourself for it to say, “I’m looking at these sites. I did it again and I’m not going to just berate myself for it. I’m going to try to calm myself down a little bit and be curious.” I think the curiosity bit is one of the best cures for a shame cycle. Curiosity being is this idea of “What am I covering over? What I like try to avoid? What feelings, what doubts, what insecurities am I trying to paste over with these things that I’m looking at?” And again, the only way to get out of that shame bit is to kind of slow down and to just be gracious to yourself, and not always be just beating yourself up over whatever you’re looking at. So yeah, being gracious to yourself as God is gracious to you, that’s I think the first ten biggest step.

Steve: Great! Well thanks for sharing that, Randall.

Randall: Sure.

Steve: And so where can people find out more about your ministry?

Randall: Sure. I’m on Churchandsex.com will leave you to my blog where I do a lot of writing and linking to articles. And I have the same username as for Twitter, Twitter.com/churchandsex. And those are the two primary ways. I’m working on getting on other social media platforms but those are the two kind of prime ones right now.

Steve: Okay. We will be sure to link to those in the show notes and in the video description. But thanks for your time, Randall.

Randall: I super enjoyed it.

Steve: Okay, see you later.