“What’s the one piece of advice you would give
to someone struggling with porn addiction?”
Mary DeMuth is an international speaker and author of 30 books, including Not Marked: Finding Hope and Healing after Sexual Abuse.
Connect with Mary
Not Marked: Finding Hope and Healing after Sexual Abuse
The Wall Around Your Heart: How Jesus Heals You When Others Hurt You
Beautiful Battle: A Woman’s Guide to Spiritual Warfare
Steve: Hey, guys! Steve here with Belt of Truth. I’m on the line with Mary DeMuth. Mary is an international speaker and author of thirty books including Not Marked: Finding Hope and Healing from Sexual Abuse. Mary, what’s the one piece of advice you’d give to somebody struggling with porn addiction?
Mary: I guess I would say to consider the fact that the person or the people that you’re looking at online or in other venues is a human being and to really think about the fact that they carry the image of Christ, that they have humanity in them because I think what happens is we can objectify people very easily when we think of them as other than ourselves. We think of them as an entity, or a product, or a thing, or something that makes us happy instead of actually a human being. So this sounds pretty harsh but to consider that maybe that girl or that person that you’re looking at is a child of yours or someone related to you. And how would you feel if that very real human being was doing those things and how would you feel as a father or as a mother knowing that your child was being subjected to something like that? And so creating this humanity of we’re all in this together, we’re all human, and we all have this great value. So I guess that goes back to, I think it goes back to heart, just really removing yourself from the non-humanity of it and seeing these people as fellow human beings. I hope that makes sense. Does that make sense?
Steve: Yeah, yeah. That’s awesome. I’m glad that you shared that. I knew that with your background and your ministry that you would probably come with this from a different angle than a lot of the people that I have been interviewing. And I love what you had to share. I think that’s really important and I know that that’s something that in my journey was very helpful as I continue to find more and more healing. One thing I notice was that God was changing the way that I viewed pornography and just women in general. There was a lot of transforming of my mind in that area. And that’s what I encourage a lot of the guys I work with is seek that healing so you reach a point because the reality of this day and age is like even when you’re not looking, there’s a good chance you’re going to stumble across something.
Steve: And when you reach that point of healing where when those images come across your monitor, rather than being attracted to them, it’s almost like your heart breaks for them because you realize…
Steve: Like this is a child of God that I’m looking at. And a lot of those women are being abused and there’s a lot of pain and hurt in the industry. And when you see it from that lens, it makes it really hard to keep looking for more.
Mary: Well yeah.
Steve: Go ahead.
Mary: Well, I just finished a book. I just released a book called The Day I Met Jesus and it was five diaries of women from the New Testament meeting Jesus for the first time. And a lot of them were marginalized women. One was a prostitute who loved much. And as I stepped around in their shoes for a while, I realized Jesus really like hang out with these folks and He dignified those who were in the margins. And so if He asked that of us, then we also have to look at the prostitutes that are in our lives. And a lot of times, they’re represented on the screen. And so yeah, another way to do it instead of thinking about, “Okay, I’m going to try not to look at that image,” instead look away from the image and say a prayer. Pray for the heart of that person to be set free, pray that there will be rescue, pray that God would intervene in their life in such a way that they don’t have to work that way anymore, or pray for the perpetrators who have enslaved them in that place. Pray for chains to be broken. It’s just a whole different perspective. And as a sexual abuse survivor and someone who’s been objectified, I can wholeheartedly say that I am a human being made in the image of God. And so it helps me to help other people to see that.
Steve: Awesome! Well thanks for sharing that, Mary. Tell people where they can find out more about you and your books and all that.
Mary: Sure. Everything is on Marydemuth.com. I also wrote a book called Not Marked as you mentioned in the beginning. And you can find that at Notmarked.com. It’s for those of you who have encountered sexual abuse and are trying to work through and heal. And so both of those places, you can find me.
Steve: Awesome! And we’ll link to all your social media and all that in the show notes so…
Steve: Thank you again for your time. I really appreciate what you’re doing.
Mary: No problem! Thank you.
Steve: Yeah. See you later!