Stephen Kuhn

Stephen Kuhn has been leading recovery groups, speaking at college campuses, and providing free online counseling through Belt of Truth Ministries ever since he got steamrolled by Jesus and set free from the chains of porn addiction. His passion is to allow God to use the story of redemption in his life to encourage other men to seek healing through the work of Christ as well.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

weekly_roundup-img-640x290

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn and sexual addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.


Key Life | God Seriously Loves You!

“Have you gone too far for God to love you? What’s that sin that you committed that haunts you at night? You know, the one that if everyone found out, you’d be ruined? Consider that the people who Jesus goes to battle with are not the prostitutes, the downcast, the outcast, vagabonds, or drunks. It’s not the greedy tax-collectors, the broken down peasants in the countryside, the Good Friday thieves who were crucified on either side of him or even the Roman guard who nailed him to the wood.”

Radical Mentoring | Marriage…in Retrospect

“In retrospect, you see things you didn’t think about. You didn’t date long enough to see how she responded to stress. You didn’t plan for all these expenses. You didn’t realize how tired she’d be after working all day and how that would affect her interest in you. You didn’t think it would be this hard to have a kid and keep it fed, dry and quiet. And maybe you didn’t think she would show up on your radar. . . the perfect girl who has none of the issues your wife has.”

Scott Slayton | Five Obstacles that Dads Face

“It does not take long for men to discover that their sin will work its way into their parenting. It starts in the hospital when they are born and does not let up until we meet Jesus face to face. Sin, in general, harms our parenting, but there are some specific sins that trip us up.”

Trillia Newbell | Fighting Sin with Love

“We don’t love others because we are good people, we don’t even love God because of anything in and of ourselves (1 John 4:19). This is great news for us. It means we can ask God—the same God whose power changed our hearts of stone into hearts of flesh and whose power enables us to love him—to use the same power to enable us to love our neighbor as ourselves.”

Tim Challies | Why My Family Still Doesn’t Do Sleepovers

Weekly Web (W)roundup

weekly_roundup-img-640x290

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn and sexual addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.


Key Life | We Can’t Get Away from Jesus

“What really bothers me is that Christians are so spiritual they can’t enjoy the fun and celebration of Christmas…and don’t want anybody else to enjoy it either. I strongly suspect they once received underwear as a Christmas gift that was the wrong size…far too small. And instead of exchanging that underwear, they just keep on wearing it.”

Relevant | Jesus Called Christians to Be ‘Perfect.’ What Does That Mean?

“Why would Jesus command us to be perfect when He knew it was impossible? Was He just setting us up for failure? Toying with us?”

Grace Covers Me | What Our Children Will Remember About This Christmas

“Kids learn to love what makes their parents light up. I see it in my own kids now. My oldest son brings me the Sunday comics, points out a good strip, and waits expectantly to hear me laugh. All of my sons are adamantly loyal to my college team only because they know that I am. And when I ask them what they’re thankful for, they’ve learned to add a spiritual element, because they know Who it is that I love.”

Christianity Today | Two Marvelous Truths Help Me Say No to Sexual Sin

“So when temptations came, my main recourse was to white-knuckle my way through. And there was rarely a sense that the outcome was sure, that I knew my flesh would be subdued. It was like watching a live football game between well-matched teams, with real suspense over who would win. Praise God, I never acted on sexual temptation while married. But I did lose battles in my heart and mind frequently enough. This area of my life was managed but not joyful.”

Forest Hills Church | Christmas Presents

Weekly Web (W)roundup

weekly_roundup-img-640x290

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn and sexual addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.


CovenantEyes | Porn and the Desire Dilemma

“Porn is so compelling because it sells itself as the perfect substitute for real communion and relationship. It stimulates our desire to be loved and wanted to the breaking point. It is the ultimate fantasy of fulfillment.”

Jay Sanders | Lessons for Rural Pastors from Bob Ross

“[I]n all of my years of watching my favorite painter, I think that I’ve been missing the point. Ross didn’t just want to paint pictures. He wanted to teach other people how to paint pictures.”

Gospel Coalition | The Joyous Story of Sex

“[W]hat if our cultural moment isn’t a death knell, but a trumpet call to something new? What if the church is only facing the loss of the deadweight of Christendom, while the Spirit gives birth to a fresh wave of winsome witness?”

Lifeway | Jesus’ Two Commitments to Men

“[U]nderneath all of our tragic attempts at finding masculinity lies something even more tragic: our shame at not being men. The surest thing a man knows about himself is that he is not one. He is not what he was meant to be. The shame of this resides deep in the core of our being, permeating everything we say and do.”

Joshua Harris | Strong Enough to Be Wrong

Merry Christmas! Here’s a free book whether you’re on the nice or naughty list!

10 Lies Free

Just hop on over to the Belt of Truth Bookstore and use the coupon 10LIESFREE to get a free paperback copy of 10 Lies Men Believe about Porn through the end of the year.

Thanks for being so awesome!
—Stephen

Weekly Web (W)roundup

weekly_roundup-img-640x290

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn and sexual addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.


CovenantEyes | When Holidays Aren’t Happy: 4 Ways to Deal with Grief and Porn Addiction

“There are many of you who have entered this holiday season with loss because of your spouse’s addiction. Whether s/he still struggles with pornography or is in active recovery, there are moments when we grieve what we’ve lost because of it. When we notice the sense of loss creeping up on us, we have choices about how we will deal with it, just as we do with any type of grief. We can pretend it’s not there, we can put on a happy face to get through the holidays and then cry alone in the dark. Or we can be real with our spouse, trusted friends, and Jesus.”

Key Life | Repent Now!

“I saw a bumper sticker once that read, ‘Sin Now, Repent Later!’ Truth is, as blasphemous as that sounds, it’s what most of us do anyway.”

Eternal Perspective Ministries | God’s Offer of Forgiveness and Freedom

“Because of Christ’s work on our behalf, we’re free to reject sin and its misery, and instead embrace righteousness and its joy. When we do this we’ll experience a flood of God’s grace in our lives, restoring us to the abundant life of walking with the One who is our Lord, King, and best Friend.”

Ligonier Ministries | The Great Exchanges of Romans

“In response to the great exchange that has been accomplished for us in Christ, there is an exchange accomplished in us by the Spirit: unbelief gives way to faith, rebellion is exchanged for trust. Justification—our being declared righteous and constituted in a righteous relationship with God—is not made ours by works, ceremonial or otherwise, but by the exercise of faith in Christ.”

Tim Challies | How To Use Accountability Software Right

Weekly Web (W)roundup

weekly_roundup-img-640x290

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn and sexual addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.


Relevant | What Christians Get Wrong About “Accountability”

“As long as we define our relationships by what we shouldn’t be doing, we’re encouraging people to hide their shadow selves from each other and God as they worry about not being accepted.”

NY Times | Married to a Mystery Man

“On the drive from the Calgary airport to the hotel for our honeymoon, my new husband casually mentioned that he would need to find a criminal defense attorney when we got home…”

Christianity Today | The Dead White Man Who Could Fix Our Race Problem

“This larger insight seems to be the point. What we see in each other starts with what we see in God.”

Biblical Counseling Coalition | My Five Counseling Goals for Session One

“I repeatedly find that when I meet these five goals—welcome, know, hope, plan, commit—in session one, the counseling begins on a solid foundation.”

Gospel Coalition | How to Talk to Your Children About Sex

Weekly Web (W)roundup

weekly_roundup-img-640x290

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn and sexual addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.


Radical Mentoring | We are Complete

“At the end of the main talk, 6 truths about identity were put up on the screen along with this question, ‘Which of these do you struggle to accept and believe about yourself?'”

Relevant | The Deeper Question at Play In ‘Thor: Ragnarok’

“Behind Ragnarok‘s improvisational, eccentric vibe is a message about the walls that provide the boundaries of our identity and how they have to be knocked down and rebuilt over time lest they become prisons.”

Intentional Warriors | Abundant Life?

“So what do you do with that if you’re a man who follows Jesus and takes the Bible as true, but you aren’t experiencing abundant life?”

And Sons | Cousin Dwalo

“We live in a catastrophic world (add stronger language here). This world is seriously broken; nothing is as it ought to be. We also live in a time of evil unleashed on the earth (surely you see evil ravaging humanity). Therefore, in a climate like ours, with a total loss of meaning, with brokenness all around and even within, as evil rampages, any series of choices towards the good is heroic. In a world of hatred, any choice to love is heroic. In an age of staggering unbelief, any commitment to faith is absolutely epic. In a world built upon the False, any ongoing commitment, however faltering, to choose the Real is heroic. And in a world totally stripped of gender, to choose the narrow way of masculine formation is utterly heroic and epic.”

X3 Church | Sex in the Digital Age

Parents, Affirm Your Kids (or They May Become Darth Vader)

Anakin and Obi-Wan

People have been asking an important question for more than 40 years now:

Why did Anakin Skywalker turn to the dark side and become Darth Vader?

For the three of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, go watch the entire Star Wars movie saga (feel free to skip Episode I), and then thank me tomorrow after you’ve paid a huge markup for opening-day Last Jedi tickets on Craigslist now that you’re hooked.

Anyway… The predominant narrative you’ll hear regarding Anakin’s fall to the dark side is that he blamed himself for his wife’s death and allowed that shame to plummet him into fear, hatred, and rage.

I, however, think his spiral into the dark side has roots that go back much further:

What if Anakin Skywalker was lured to the dark side because his unmet need for affirmation and validation left him vulnerable to receiving it from anywhere it was offered?

I’ve come to believe that everyone has a question deep within their soul that they will never cease asking until it is answered: “Am I worthy of love and acceptance?”

When this question isn’t answered with a resounding YES!, they will keep asking the question elsewhere until a yes is found.

We see this in girls whose fathers fail to offer them healthy physical affection. This distancing can often be interpreted as; “I must not be lovable,” leading her to seek affection from someone else (a teenage boy, perhaps) in order to answer her question positively.

We see it in the 30-year-old doctor whose parents chastised him for the single B on his report card rather than praising him for all the A’s. What he hears in his heart is “You’ll never be good enough…” The second anyone comes along who is impressed with who he is (like that nurse he just starting working with—who is most definitely not his wife), he’s a goner—putty in her hands.

Friends, when your soul is parched for affirmation—when your question of “Am I worthy of love and acceptance?” remains unanswered—you become like a man stranded in the vast desert of Tatooine, willing to drink from a bantha dung infested watering hole. Any water is better than no water, you tell yourself…

This was Anakin’s story: He was thirsty enough to drink bantha water.

Anakin, after being taken from his mother at a young age, was mostly raised by the Jedi: a monkish order who believed emotions were dangerous and misleading.

His main father figure, Obi-Wan, was never pleased with him—at least not verbally. No matter how much talent Anakin showed, Obi-Wan always pointed out the areas he needed to improve. There was never a “Great job Ani, I’m proud of you,” or “I know I can trust you to make the right decision because of the man I’ve seen you become.”

All Anakin heard was criticism. By the time Obi-Wan finally told him he loved him, it was too late. Anakin’s heart was hardened and he could no longer receive it. He had found new source of validation—someone who not only saw his potential, but praised him for it (he just happened to be a Dark Lord of the Sith, the future Emperor Palpatine who only had nefarious intentions for Anakin).

Here’s the crazy thing though: Palpatine doesn’t even hide those intentions. He openly admits he wants to train Anakin in the ways of the dark side, but quickly follows it by telling him “The [Jedi] council doesn’t fully appreciate your talents…”

Anakin admits his unmet desire for affirmation, and in doing so receives whole-hearted validation from Palpatine. Suddenly, that whole “dark side” thing doesn’t seem like a big issue anymore. “I’ll slaughter all the younglings as long as you keep telling me I’m loved and accepted.” He looks to Palpatine and proclaims: “I will do whatever you ask…”

This is what happens to the hearts of those who are never affirmed: They become Darth Vader. They turn towards darkness and begin to function more like machines than living, breathing humans with healthy emotions.

•••

Parents, as fun as it may be to dress your kid up as Darth Vader on Halloween, we all know that’s not actually the life you desire for your padowans. So what can you do to help them avoid the lure of the dark side?

For starters, you can treat them differently than the Jedi treated Anakin:

  • Speak words of love and affirmation to your kids—constantly.
  • Tell them specifically what it is about them you enjoy, what you’re proud of, and all the things in them you delight in—Every. Single. Day.
  • Be selective, prayerful, and extremely careful with how and when you offer criticism. Try to resist making it your default response to their inevitable shortcomings.
  • Most importantly, point them toward the only place where they can get their question of love and acceptance answered fully and completely: The Author and Creator of love Himself, God the Father.

After all, it’s one thing for your child to know that their parents (or Jedi Masters) love and accept them, but if you can help them to trust and believe that the Creator of a thousand galaxies—the commander of the angel armies—the One who spoke their entire world into existence—not only delights in them but loves them as much as He loves His own son, Jesus… well then, good luck enticing them with bantha dung-water.

Nothing will be able to compete with the affirmation and validation they receive from knowing who they are in His eyes.


Resources you may find helpful:

Need some practical help on how to affirm your kids (or anyone you walk closely with)? I highly recommend the eBook, Experiencing Affirmation in Your Family. The included worksheets make great dinnertime conversation, and have been a tool we use in our own house regularly.

Curious about all the things God says are true about you? My book, 52 Amazing Things that Became True of You the Moment You Trusted Christ will help you see yourself exactly how your Creator sees you: Worthy, Loved, Accepted, Chosen, Empowered, and so much more!

http://store.beltoftruth.com

Weekly Web (W)roundup

weekly_roundup-img-640x290

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn and sexual addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.


Gospel Coalition | 5 Ways to Murder Your Marriage

“With little effort and a whole lot of pride, you too can destroy your marriage. And any time you do, you destroy a powerful image of Christ’s covenant love for his people. Sadly, the world will be happy to let you get away with this murder.”

Glen Scrivner | The Real Turning Point in the Prodigal Son Story

“When we sin, do we put ourselves in the pigsty with the long journey home stretching ahead of us? Or do we consider ourselves in the Father’s arms? There’s a big difference.”

Key Life | Belonging and Behaving

“Jesus flipped that script entirely. Jesus knew that it’s the other way around: that we belong before we behave. Sinners don’t become saints at a distance, so Jesus drew near to them and loved them – and his love transformed them. “

Lead them Home | 8 Practical Ways to Love LGBT+ People with Humility

“Relating effectively to LGBT+ people begins with a desire to do so, but that desire must translate into practical change in our churches. Here are 8 practical ways to begin loving LGBT+ with humility as a church or ministry leader.”

Hillsong | Splinters and Stones

Weekly Web (W)roundup

weekly_roundup-img-640x290

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn and sexual addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.


ERLC | Talking about sex with your kids: 5 things I’m learning

“Children are exposed to sexually charged programming, information and contact at an increasingly earlier age. So, we need to be intentional in playing offense. If we play defense, we’ll have to deconstruct what they’ve heard first. We want to be the ones who frame how our kids see the world.”

Paul Young | Sexuality, Shame and “The Heart of Man”

“I think human sexuality has been a subject that has been kept under wraps as it were. I also think the Church has not been good about having open conversations, because there’s such a sense of perfectionist performance that we’ve turned the Gospel into some form of moralism or behavioral perfectionism. So everybody begins with shame and shame always drives you to isolation.”

Intentional Warriors | The Cheap Grace Firing Squad

“The irony, of course, is that I spun out of control with my sin by following the constrained understanding of love and grace that was being taught to me. I spun out of control as I followed the religious model for how to keep my life under control. I spun out of control by not taking God at His word on love and grace.”

Relevant | The Lies Modesty Culture Teaches Men

“Many men grow up so scared of women they never develop healthy relationships with any of them; they don’t actually get to know a girl as a co-equal member of the human race.”

Mark DeJesus | 6 Tests for Finding Safe People