Stephen Kuhn

Stephen Kuhn has been leading recovery groups, speaking at college campuses, and providing free online counseling through Belt of Truth Ministries ever since he got steamrolled by Jesus and set free from the chains of porn addiction. His passion is to allow God to use the story of redemption in his life to encourage other men to seek healing through the work of Christ as well.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

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Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn and sexual addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.


Gospel Coalition | 5 Ways to Murder Your Marriage

“With little effort and a whole lot of pride, you too can destroy your marriage. And any time you do, you destroy a powerful image of Christ’s covenant love for his people. Sadly, the world will be happy to let you get away with this murder.”

Glen Scrivner | The Real Turning Point in the Prodigal Son Story

“When we sin, do we put ourselves in the pigsty with the long journey home stretching ahead of us? Or do we consider ourselves in the Father’s arms? There’s a big difference.”

Key Life | Belonging and Behaving

“Jesus flipped that script entirely. Jesus knew that it’s the other way around: that we belong before we behave. Sinners don’t become saints at a distance, so Jesus drew near to them and loved them – and his love transformed them. “

Lead them Home | 8 Practical Ways to Love LGBT+ People with Humility

“Relating effectively to LGBT+ people begins with a desire to do so, but that desire must translate into practical change in our churches. Here are 8 practical ways to begin loving LGBT+ with humility as a church or ministry leader.”

Hillsong | Splinters and Stones

Weekly Web (W)roundup

weekly_roundup-img-640x290

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn and sexual addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.


ERLC | Talking about sex with your kids: 5 things I’m learning

“Children are exposed to sexually charged programming, information and contact at an increasingly earlier age. So, we need to be intentional in playing offense. If we play defense, we’ll have to deconstruct what they’ve heard first. We want to be the ones who frame how our kids see the world.”

Paul Young | Sexuality, Shame and “The Heart of Man”

“I think human sexuality has been a subject that has been kept under wraps as it were. I also think the Church has not been good about having open conversations, because there’s such a sense of perfectionist performance that we’ve turned the Gospel into some form of moralism or behavioral perfectionism. So everybody begins with shame and shame always drives you to isolation.”

Intentional Warriors | The Cheap Grace Firing Squad

“The irony, of course, is that I spun out of control with my sin by following the constrained understanding of love and grace that was being taught to me. I spun out of control as I followed the religious model for how to keep my life under control. I spun out of control by not taking God at His word on love and grace.”

Relevant | The Lies Modesty Culture Teaches Men

“Many men grow up so scared of women they never develop healthy relationships with any of them; they don’t actually get to know a girl as a co-equal member of the human race.”

Mark DeJesus | 6 Tests for Finding Safe People

Weekly Web (W)roundup

weekly_roundup-img-640x290

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn and sexual addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.


KeyLife | Looking for a Stronger Hope

“I believe hope plays the critical role. You’ll find it pretty hard to love when you’ve lost hope; hopelessness collapses into who cares? And what does it matter that we have faith if we have no hope? Faith is just a rigid doctrine with nothing to look forward to. Hope is the wind in your sails, the spring in your step. Hope is so essential to your being that Scripture calls it ‘an anchor for the soul’ (Hebrews 6:19).”

Relevant | 5 Things Christians Should Know About Relapse and Recovery

“My first period of recovery was, honestly, one of the greatest experiences of my life. I felt this incredible sense of lightness, an inexplicable inner peace that, even when I felt like going back to drinking, never really left. For a long time, it motivated me to stay sober. Then I relapsed, and for what seems like no good reason. I wasn’t struggling, I wasn’t experiencing an intense urge and life seemed to be on a great path. But Satan is called the Tempter for a reason: He will exploit any weakness, even as he attempted to cause a weakened Christ to sin in the desert.”

X3 Church | Porn Can’t Deliver What We’re Created For

“It’s not a stretch to say we are remaking humanity in some regard, and not in a good way. We are fundamentally rewiring the human race. And the biggest hit we are taking—not only with porn or technology but also in how they interact with each other—is the death of intimacy.”

Gospel Coalition | 4 Lessons for Christians from the Harvey Weinstein Scandal

“It’s tempting to mock the movie industry for such blatant hypocrisy. They frequently preach to us about their superior values; meanwhile, they were overlooking abuse in their midst. But instead of gloating we should consider what we as Christians might learn from the horrific, decades-long cover-up. Numerous lessons could be learned, but here are four specific takeaways we should consider.”

NF | How Could You Leave Us?

My One Thing: Jason Pamer

“What’s the one piece of advice you would give
to someone struggling with porn addiction?”

Jason Pamer is the Producer & Writer on the critically acclaimed film, “Rape for Profit” as well as his current film — “Heart of Man.”

Connect with Jason:

Hearts of Men

Website: heartofmanmovie.com

Twitter: @heartofmanmovie

Unearthed

Website: www.unearthedpictures.org

10 Lies Men Believe about Porn Preview


Check out all the “One Thing” video interviews here.


Transcript

Steve: Hey guys! Steve here with Belt of Truth Ministries. I’m on the line with Jason Pamer. Jason is the producer and writer on the critically acclaimed film Rape for Profit, as well as his current film, Hearts of Men, which is slated to be released in late 2015, early 2016. If you guys haven’t seen the trailer yet, it’s right below this video. So make sure you check that out. I’m really looking forward to seeing this movie. So Jason, thanks for joining us. What’s the one piece of advice you would give to somebody struggling with porn addiction?

Jason: Stephen, I don’t know if you’ve had this answer before, hopefully not, but I would recommend every guy read this book. A little cross-pollination right now. I’m serious man. I just got it recently and you and I were talking, kind of preproduction meeting for this call, about it’s not about the porn. And your book does a great job of getting to the lies that get underneath this issue of porn. I think if you think about it from a strategic enemy standpoint, if you can get all the money, all the resources, all the air time, all the books focused on an issue, then he has the ability to get around on the flanks and just destroy men with shame, and get them so focused on white knuckle and trying so hard in developing the 8, 10, 12 step program so that they don’t look porn again. And when they do relapse into porn, it heaps more shame on to them. It’s just this vicious cycle. I think he’s done a good job. Your book is one of the only books I’ve ever read that gets around the issue and gets more to the heart of it, which is what we’re going after the Hearts of Men. And I’m not here to promote the film, as much as I say to guys that “listen, you need to understand at the midst of the addiction there is this relentless thought of coming after you in the midst of it.” And one of the ways we’ve postured this is in the room when you’re looking at porn, a lot of think he’s got to be outside the room because he can’t possibly be in the room because he’s got to be too pissed off at us for relapsing again. And if he’s in the room, he’s probably in the room with his arms cross. There’s no way. He’s sitting next to us with his arm around us, and in fact he is and he’s whispering truth to us. And in those moments, he’s going “guys, I’ve got something so much better for you, so much more real, so much more textured, so much more vibrant.” And I think that’s really what he’s whispering to us. It’s not “I can’t believe you’re looking at porn again, Steven. I can’t believe, Jason, that you’re giving in again. What’d I tell you? Didn’t you not read my word? Did you not pray this morning when you got out of bed?” Those aren’t the things he’s saying to us. He’s going “I love you. You are my son. I’ve got a feast, a lavish feast prepared for you. I’ve got a woman that is going to take all of your energy, heart, mind, and soul to pursue, and that’s where your effort should be, is to go unearth this gem that I have prepared from the beginning, before the foundations of the world.” So I just think it is way more about the action towards something else than it is about the action against something. And that sounds kind of easy and fluffy and maybe it feels like it’s [03:08] issue, but I really do think that if we focus on “how do we defeat this thing?” We’re going at it the wrong way because it’s ultimately not the thing we have to defeat. Again, you get to that in the book. What do we need to defeat? What’s the lies? Because when I go binge on porn, relapsing on porn, if I trace back six hours preceding that event, I can look and go “what was the triggers? What got me there?” It wasn’t because I had just had a great meal with family and friends and my wife and I were really connecting, we had a great glass of merlot, and then all of a sudden I was like “man, I want to go relapse into porn.” That doesn’t happen. It comes from a number of different triggers. And for many of us, it starts very early on. And a lot of us it’s centered over father wound and we’re trying to go, it’s very complex and that’s why I do think there’s very few books I think or films that I would just push people toward because it gives you a really good comprehensive look. Your book does that.

Steve: Thank you, I appreciate that, and I really appreciate what you had to share because obviously you and I are kindred spirits in how we approach this. And you’re right, there’s a much deeper issue. Porn is just the symptom. That’s why I love what you guys are doing with your films, helping to just put a visual picture in people’s minds of what’s really going on below the surface. Thanks for your time, Jason. Tell people where they can find out more about what you’re doing online.

Jason: We just released a major piece of content, our first real piece of what the film’s going to look like. It’s a feature, it’s a 6-minute piece. If you go to unearthedpictures.org or heartsofmenmovie.com, those are the two places that we post content. You can find us on Facebook about those spots as well, Unearthed Pictures and Hearts of Men movie. And that will be areas where we post more content, more teasers, production spills, thoughts, interviews like this we’ll post there. Again, Steven keep doing what you’re doing man. I love it. I think it’s got the right behind it. I think the enemy is positioned against it because it’s starting to uncover, pull back the curtain on what really is happening back there.

Steve: Thank you again and I really appreciate your time. We’ll be sure to link to all that stuff in the show notes and can’t wait to see what you guys keep producing. Thanks again Jason.

Jason: Thanks for having me man.

Steve: Alright, see you.

Jason: Bye.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

weekly_roundup-img-640x290

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn and sexual addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.


TheoLatte | God is Not Ashamed of You

“Don’t let your limitations keep you from believing, embracing, and resting in his limitless love. When you stand before God one day you will not stand in shame. You will stand clothed in the righteousness of Christ. That is the gospel. And of this gospel may we never be ashamed.”

Gospel Coalition | I Was a Pastor Hooked on Porn

“I shudder to think what would have happened had God never exposed my sin and crushed me as he did. It was the worst and best year of my life. I would never want to go through it again, but I wouldn’t trade the nearness to God I gained from it for anything.”

Radical Mentoring | Identity is Ascribed

“For Jesus-followers, our identity was ascribed to us the day we accepted God’s invitation to be adopted into His family. From that day forward, you’ve been the son of the King of Kings! That’s your true identity, ascribed by Almighty God!”

Covenant Eyes | How to Tell If Your Husband Is Really in Recovery

“Your husband will still make mistakes as he tries to make the biggest changes he’s ever made in his life. Many of these things do not come naturally to addicts and he will need a learning curve. He will become defensive at times and get frustrated. But you can expect faithfulness (no more porn or inappropriate interactions with others), serious motivation for recovery, and to be treated with respect.”

Jason Gray | Remind Me Who I Am

Weekly Web (W)roundup

weekly_roundup-img-640x290

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn and sexual addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.


Harry Schaumburg | Can You Repent Without Changing?

“Let me say it as clearly as I can: When it comes to sexual sin and addiction, recovery is not repentance, and repentance is not recovery. Repentance is not merely human effort. It is not a self-help program. Repentance is God’s surgical procedure, in which he not only humbles the sinner, but works a change in him that is visible from the outside.”

Relevant | A Deeper Look at the Meaning of Sex

“While I know the passages and stories and laws about sex in the Bible, I’m more concerned with constructing (or recognizing) a coherent and distinctively Christian sexual ethic and placing it in conversation with the ethics of popular culture.”

Forward Progress | A Different Way to Think About What It Means to Grow Up In Christ

“As we embrace His work now, often times through the practice of self-discipline, it is entirely appropriate for us to long for the day when that work will be done. For that will be the day when faith is sight, and at long last we will not only know the truth of the gospel, but we will feel it as well.”

Desiring God | Be Patient with Your Slow Growth

“[O]ur abundance and increasing conveniences on every level have shaped — and in some ways warped — the way we view time. We now expect that nearly everything should happen fast and with little or no inconvenience.”

Beautiful Eulogy | Symbols And Signs

Weekly Web (W)roundup

weekly_roundup-img-640x290

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn and sexual addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.


Lifeway Men | Why Following Jesus is Not a To-Do List

“Jesus pointed out that works are good as long as they’re truly motivated by faith and love. The Ephesians’ works, however, were ultimately motivated by something other than love. Yet Jesus didn’t leave the Ephesians, and He won’t leave us. As we’ll see, He provides us with grace and encouragement to love Him passionately, and He promises that we’ll live in His grace for eternity.”

Relevant | Terry Crews Gets Real

“Crews isn’t being judgmental here. He’s speaking from the experience of heartache—an ugly secret he kept buried for eight years, dismissing his wife’s frequent questions about what was wrong, shoving it all into a sordid place in his heart that he could almost wish away from existence. Almost, not quite.”

KeyLife | Shelf Life of Judgment

“Those careless, thoughtless words in 2000 echoed into the future and slammed the door between me and my friend in her time of need. Everything else that had occurred since then—all the other times I spoke positively and affirmatively—was rubbish compared to those self-righteously spoken words—those words were the louder words, the indelible words, the words written in Sharpie marker, the only words she could recall in the crucible of suffering.”

Desiring God | Rejoice in the Wife of Your Youth

“However cute that woman might be that you’re tempted toward, ask yourself if your legacy is worth destroying for a moment of stolen pleasure. Your sin will quickly turn into a bitter aftertaste you’ll be spitting out of your mouth for the rest of your life. But God is positioning you and your wife to bless the generations yet to come. Embrace the vision! Don’t throw your legacy away!”

Andrew Farley | Genuine Answers for the Homosexual Lifestyle

Weekly Web (W)roundup

weekly_roundup-img-640x290

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn and sexual addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.


Crossway | An Open Letter to Those Debilitated by Their Sexual Sin

“Jesus knows the kinds of people he has chosen to save. We can seek him, and we will find him true and good for the long haul. My friend was honest, no secrets before God. He was honest to confess where and when he struggled. He was honest with friends, who helped him to seek and find the God who promises many mercies. He was honest in asking help from other people: accountability and prayer, counsel and conversation with brothers. He rebuilt a life that had good in it. He learned to treat both men and women as holy brothers and sisters, rather than as sexual objects.”

Care Leader | 4 Myths about the Wives of Porn Addicts

“There are four misconceptions that many hold about pornography addiction and the betrayed wife. Being aware of these myths will help you improve your counseling strategy to these women.”

Dave Willis | 12 Questions to Consider before Divorcing

“People who choose to get divorced have often endured years of frustration and exhaustion, but the problem is, we tend to make our worst decisions when we’re exhausted and frustrated. These twelve questions below can help you approach these major life decisions with more clarity and perspective.”

Desiring God | When You Can’t Hear God, Keep Talking to Him

“Have you had that experience? Hope doesn’t come. Happiness doesn’t flood your heart. The clouds of depression don’t blow away. Overwhelming struggles simply overwhelm you more. Relationships are not restored. What can we do?”

The Book of Daniel | Official Trailer

The “One Thing” You Need to Know to Get Free from Porn Addiction

If you’ve seen the movie City Slickers, you will no doubt remember the scene where Curly, the old weathered trail boss, is talking to Mitch, a fresh-off-the-bus city boy wondering what the heck he’s doing on the back of a horse out in the middle of nowhere.

Jack-Palance-City-SlickersCurly looks over to Mitch and asks him: “Do you know what the secret of life is?” He immediately holds up his index finger. “One thing. Just one thing. You stick to that and the rest don’t mean $h!%.”

Mitch proceeds to ask him the obvious question: “So, what’s the ‘One Thing?'”

“That,” Curly responds, “Is what you have to find out.”

When it comes to finding freedom from porn addiction, we often approach it the same way. We look for an easy answer—a one-size-fits-all solution—that will work for everyone, every time, without fail.

We want to know the “One Thing,” but that’s typically not the way God works.

Just look at the way Jesus healed the various blind men He encountered throughout the Gospels:

  • Jesus spat in the mud and rubbed it in the eyes of one man (John 9).
  • He placed His hands on two men and they were instantly healed (Matthew 9:27-34).
  • He put His hands on a different man, but this man’s healing took place in stages rather than all at once (Mark 8:22-26).

There doesn’t seem to be any consistent pattern.

Why doesn’t God give us a step-by-step path to follow? 

If you’re looking for “one step” to freedom, “one behavior” you need to change, or “one thing” you need to do to stop looking at porn, you simply won’t find that in the Bible.

I don’t think this is because God is holding out on us though. I believe it’s because God is more interested in your heart than in your actions.

David understood this heart-focus when He wrote about his “One Thing”:

The one thing I ask of the Lord—
the thing I seek most—
is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
delighting in the Lord’s perfections
and meditating in his Temple.
(Psalm 27:4)

The “One Thing” that mattered most in David’s life was to seek after the Lord, spending time meditating on His goodness, love, mercy, and grace. David knew the closer he drew to Jesus, the less he would desire sin (Tweet this!).

That was David’s “One Thing.” Perhaps it should be our “One Thing” as well.

What’s your “One Thing”?

Once you begin with the foundational first step of trusting the Lord enough to draw near to Him, the path to freedom will be different for everyone. God takes each one of us on our own unique journey so we will recognize our need to stay near to Him. Like a loving, less crotchety version of Curly, God wants us to follow Him closely on this cattle drive we call life.

But what are those next steps?

Often times, even though the steps are unique to everyone, they will be similar for many. That’s why I reached out a bunch of folks who’ve been walking this road of recovery for a long time and asked them all one simple question:

“What’s the one piece of advice you would give to someone struggling with porn addiction.”

I asked men and women, pastors and parents, people with huge influence, and some folks you’ve probably never even heard of before. Every one of their answers was unique, although you’ll hear some consistent themes throughout many of them.

As you watch these videos, I encourage you to not only listen to their advice, but to follow the links to their various ministries as well. Most of these folks offer tremendous content and resources that will be helpful to you as you walk down your own road to freedom.

I will be posting these videos every Wednesday for the next few months. Once a video is posted, the link to its page will become active. If you prefer not to keep checking back here, simply subscribe to the blog and you will be notified as soon as each new video goes live.

Randal Ajimine

Randal runs the web-based ministry, churchandsex.com and is also involved with the organization Thank God for Sex

Pastor Bob Beeman

Founder of Sanctuary International and host of Pastor Bob Daily

Forest Benedict

Sexual Addictions Treatment Provider and the Clinical Director of LifeSTAR

Gerry Breshears

Professor of theology at Western Seminary in Portland. He is a pastor to pastors with a heart for troubled people as well of co-author of four books.

Darrell Brazell 

Pastor of New Hope Fellowship, Director of New Hope Recovery Ministries, and author of the New Hope For Sexual Integrity recovery manual for men.

James Tarring Cordrey 

Author and founder of Intentional Warriors

Michael John Cusick

Founder and President of Restoring the Soul, author of Surfing for God

Jonathan Daugherty

Founder and director of Be Broken Ministries

Matt Dobschuetz

Host of the Pornfree Radio podcast

Jeff Fisher

Founder of Porn to Purity and host of the Top Tips For Sexual Purity podcast

John Fort

Program coordinator for Pure Life Alliance and director of Pure Community for Be Broken Ministries

Justin from NoFapChristians

Moderator for the No Fap Christians community on reddit

David Kyle Foster

Director of Mastering Life Ministries and host of Pure Passion TV

Luke Gilkerson

Educational Resource Manager for Covenant Eyes, and author of multiple e-books including Coming CleanYour Brain on Porn, and When Your Child is Looking at Porn

Jayson Graves

Christian psycho-therapist, pastoral coach, and founder of Healing for the Soul

Craig Gross

Founder of xxxChurch.com

Rick Kardos

Executive director and co-founder of the Nathan Project

Dr. Mark Laaser

Director of Faithful and True and author of Healing The Wounds of Sexual Addiction

Traylor Lovvorn

Chief Ragamuffin, Founder, and CEO of Route1520, and the Executive Director of Undone Redone

David Martin

Co-founder and writer for My Chains are Gone.

Jenny Miller

Director for Dirty Girls Ministries—a ministry that seeks to offer help, hope, and healing for women who struggle with pornography and sexual addition.

Luke Norseworthy

Pastor of Venture Community Church and host of the Newsworthy with Norsworthy Podcast

Adam Palmer

Pastor and co-author of the book “Go Small” with Craig Gross

Jason Pamer

Producer & Writer on the critically acclaimed film, “Rape for Profit” as well as his current film, “Hearts of Men”

Mike Quarles 

Director of Grace Walk Recovery Ministries and author of multiple books on recovery, including Helping Others Overcome Addictions, which he co-authored with Steve McVey.

Crystal Renaud

Founder and executive director of Dirty Girls Ministries (a ministry that seeks to offer help, hope, and healing for women who struggle with pornography and sexual addition), and the author of the book Dirty Girls Come Clean

Dr. Ted Roberts

Founder of Pure Desire Ministries International and author of the bestselling book, Pure Desire

Paul Robinson

X3Groups zone leader and blogger

Tom “T.C.” Ryan

Author of the book Ashamed No More: A Pastor’s Journey through Sex Addiction

Cory Schortzman

Executive Director of Transformed Hearts Counseling Center and author of multiple books.

Russ Shaw

Host of the ASI247: Attitudes of Sexual Integrity podcast

Jerry Sinclair 

Director of Faithful and True in Jacksonville, Florida.

Jon Snyder

Founder of Mighty Man Ministries

Seth Taylor

Blogger at xxxchurch.com and author of Feels Like Redemption

Carl Thomas

Outreach pastor and network director for X3Groups

Shellie R. Warren

Writer/Author/Marriage Life Coach/Doula

Michael Todd Wilson

Licensed professional counselor, sex therapist, and recovery coach

David Zailer

Executive Director of Operation Integrity and author of the books Our Journey Home and When Lost Men Come Home (not for men only)

If you or someone you know would be interested in sharing your “One Thing,” please contact me to figure out the details.

10 Lies Men Believe about Porn Preview

The Moment You Trust Christ: You Have a Secure Future

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11).