The battle of pornography addiction is brutal. As men, we are lured into its snare like a moth to a flame. Why is this? Why can’t we just walk away from it no matter how hard we try?
Maybe it’s because we are focusing on the wrong battle.
As men, we tend to believe our struggles with pornography are about sexual desire. But if this were the case, my belief that my addiction would go away once I was married would have been at least partially true. So why was it my addiction actually became worse once I was married? Why did I repeatedly choose to walk away from my beautiful, loving wife to get my sexual needs met through pornography?
The only answer that makes sense, is pornography addiction isn’t actually the result of an overzealous libido. It’s also not from having an under-attentive spouse, a lack of willpower, or strong sexual desire.
Pornography addiction is the result
of trying to meet the deepest needs of your soul
without having to risk anything in the process.
The problem with porn though, is it can never make good on its promise. It actually pulls you away from the very things that will meet those needs. This is why pornography is a lie.
Luckily, God gives us His answer on how to overcome temptation:
Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God (Ephesians 6:13–17).
Once you understand the truth of Scripture—and how it relates to porn—the chains of addiction in your life will begin to shatter. Or, to put it another way:
When you are tempted to look at pornography
only the belt of truth will keep your pants up.
The truth is, all sin, including pornography, has already been paid for and dealt with completely through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. By attempting to manage this struggle on your own, you are trying to fight a battle that has already been won. But it doesn’t really feel like it, does it? The reason it still feels like a battle, and you are still experiencing the bondage that comes with habitual sin, is because you have been deceived into believing the battle is still raging within you. Your bondage is not a result of the battle, but a result of the deception.
So what exactly am I getting at here? Most recovery blogs can be filed under the category of “Self-Help,” but lasting change cannot come from trying to help yourself. As long as you are attempting to gain control of your life under your own power and following your own plan, you will continue to fail. In order to find true and lasting freedom, not just from pornography, but for the deepest needs of your soul, you must start looking to God for help. Please don’t take this as an insult to your abilities. I am sure you have fought a valiant fight so far, but this battle belongs to the Lord, not to you.
There is hope, my brother. Don’t give up.
Actually, maybe it is time to give up. After all, giving up might be the first step in your path to freedom:
Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly (Matthew 11:28-30).